Good morning.

It’s Friday, March 27 — the day when everyone has been emotionally clocked out of work since 11:07 a.m.

On this day in 1998, Pfizer got the green light and introduced Viagra to the world. A historic moment for confidence, ego, and very specific problem-solving. Some companies build rockets. Others fix the actual problem people were quietly stressing about. Guess which one made faster money.

It’s Friday. Do the bare minimum with conviction. Wish you a good read.

Today’s stories:

Stock futures moved higher Thursday night as investors reacted to Donald Trump delaying potential strikes on Iran’s energy infrastructure — a small relief after a rough session. Futures tied to the Dow Jones and S&P 500 rose about 0.4%, while Nasdaq-100 futures gained roughly 0.3%. A modest rebound, but one that follows a much sharper selloff.

Earlier Thursday, markets took a hit. The S&P 500 dropped 1.7%, the Nasdaq Composite slid 2.4% into correction territory, and the Dow Jones lost more than 460 points.

Oil remains the main variable. Brent crude held above $107, while West Texas Intermediate hovered around $93 — still elevated, even after pulling back from intraday highs. Translation: futures are stabilizing, but markets are still moving to the rhythm of geopolitics and oil.

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Elon Musk is doing what he does best — ignoring the usual rules. For the upcoming SpaceX IPO, he wants to give up to 30% of shares to regular investors. Not institutions. Not suits. Just… people with apps and opinions. That’s about three times the normal amount. Because apparently, fan loyalty is now part of the financial strategy. The idea is simple: if his followers own the stock, they’re less likely to panic sell. Community, but make it capital markets. He’s also handpicking banks instead of letting Wall Street fight over it. Relationships over tradition. Very on brand. Bank of America gets the job of distributing shares to everyday investors. Because nothing says retail investing like buying into a rocket company from your phone.

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Flying broke, but horizontally. United looked at economy class… and decided maybe people don’t actually enjoy sitting like folded laundry for 10 hours. So they’re rolling out “Relax Row.” Three seats that turn into a couch. The seats stretch out with leg rests, so you can almost lie flat. Not quite business class, but close enough to trick your brain into thinking you’ve upgraded your life. They’re adding mattress pads, blankets, extra pillows — suddenly economy passengers are getting treated like fragile humans. Families even get toys. It launches in 2027, with plans to add it to 200+ planes by 2030.

Netflix raises prices again. A dollar here, two dollars there. Just enough to notice, not enough to leave. Ad plan goes to $8.99. Standard hits $19.99. Premium climbs to $26.99. Your “I barely watch TV” subscription is now a minor financial commitment. New users pay immediately. Existing users get a warning email, like a soft breakup before the charge hits anyway. Sharing your account also got pricier. Because your cousin shouldn’t enjoy your password for free anymore. Netflix says it’s all for better content. Bigger shows, more live events, more reasons to scroll for 40 minutes and rewatch something old. At this point, canceling would require effort. And Netflix is betting you don’t have it.

Bugatti’s cheapest toy. Bugatti decided cars weren’t enough… so now they’re doing bicycles. Meet the $24,000 road bike. Technically their “most accessible” model, which is a very Bugatti way of saying still wildly unnecessary. They teamed up with Factor to redesign an already elite bike. More aerodynamic, more stiff, more performance — because apparently regular expensive bikes weren’t dramatic enough. They even ignored racing rules to make it faster. Illegal in competition, perfect for flexing on a quiet Sunday ride. It’s carbon fiber everything, titanium details, custom wheels — basically a supercar, but you’re the engine. Finished in signature Bugatti blue, with a little plaque so everyone knows you made a questionable financial decision.

Wall Street bonuses hit new highs again. Wall Street had a “tough” year… and somehow still walked away richer than ever. Average bonuses hit a record $246,900. Up again. Total bonus pool reached $49.2 billion, because nothing says economic uncertainty like handing out billions in rewards. Apparently, all that market chaos — tariffs, rate fears, AI bubble anxiety — was more of a vibe than a problem. Profits jumped over 30%, so naturally bonuses followed. Struggle, but make it profitable. Meanwhile, everyone else was watching the market like a thriller movie. Wall Street was just collecting checks in the background. Even the S&P 500 quietly delivered strong returns, just to make sure no one in finance had a reason to complain.

Scientists filmed a whale giving birth, and honestly… it looked more organized than most human situations. A group of sperm whales gathered, stayed close, waited it out. Just quiet coordination like they’ve done this before. Then things got intense, water turned red, researchers assumed the worst. Except it wasn’t a disaster. It was a delivery. A baby whale appeared, and the group immediately stepped in, lifting it to the surface so it could breathe. Instant teamwork. This study basically confirms what’s becoming obvious: whales show up for each other better than most people do.

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Siri outsources the thinking. Apple finally accepted reality and decided Siri could use some backup. So now Siri won’t actually need to know things. She’ll just pass your question to someone who does — like Google’s Gemini or Anthropic’s Claude. With iOS 27, your iPhone basically becomes a dispatcher. You ask, Siri forwards. Clean, efficient, slightly humiliating. After years of acting like Siri was enough, Apple is now quietly opening the door to everyone else.

Supersonic flights are coming back. Meet the X-59. A jet that can break the sound barrier without that aggressive sonic boom that used to scare entire cities. Instead of a loud explosion in the sky, it’s aiming for… a polite thump. The goal is simple: bring back supersonic travel for regular flights, just without the noise complaints and public outrage. Right now, commercial planes cruise under 600 mph. This thing is aiming for over 900 mph. Same destination, just much faster — assuming everything works. NASA is basically trying to make speed quiet.

AI isn’t replacing workers, for now. AI is not taking everyone’s jobs… yet. Take a breath. According to Anthropic, the labor market is still holding up, which is a polite way of saying nothing has fully collapsed — for now. Even people already using AI tools like Claude for core parts of their jobs aren’t seeing massive unemployment spikes. So the “AI replaced everyone overnight” storyline is still in draft mode. But the warning is doing a lot of heavy lifting. Because while nothing dramatic has happened yet, the people building this technology are very casually predicting that entry-level jobs could get wiped out fast — like, half of them — with unemployment potentially hitting levels no one is emotionally prepared for. So yes, everything looks stable. Right before it maybe isn’t. The biggest risk seems to be for younger workers just getting started, which is great timing if you just graduated and thought you’d ease into adulthood. Also worth noting: AI can technically do a lot more than people are currently using it for. Which means the real impact hasn’t even fully shown up yet.

Klafs built a sauna that starts out the size of a bookshelf. Then you press a button, and it expands into a full sauna like your apartment just upgraded itself. Takes 45 seconds to go from “cute storage unit” to “I’m investing in my well-being now.” It fits two to three people, which feels enough. When you’re done, it shrinks right back down. No space lost, no proof, just quiet luxury behavior. 

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Meta and YouTube get called out. For years, Meta and YouTube played the same line: we just provide the platform, what people do with it is their business. A jury just rolled its eyes. Both companies were found liable for designing products that don’t just attract attention — they trap it, hold it, and keep asking for more, especially in a case involving a young user whose entire experience spiraled into addiction and serious mental health issues. So all those “fun features” everyone casually scrolls through — infinite feed, autoplay, perfectly addictive loops — suddenly look less like innovation and more like strategy. Very intentional strategy. The payout is $6 million, with Meta taking most of the hit, which is impressive only in the sense that it made headlines, not dents. Lawyers compared it to Big Tobacco, which sounds dramatic until you realize both industries mastered the same skill: making something addictive, then acting surprised when it works. This is the first case like this to actually go to trial, which means the “we didn’t know” era is slowly expiring.

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TikTok of the day: watch here

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