Good morning.

It’s Monday, November 11. At 5 a.m. sharp in 1918, the Allied powers and Germany signed an armistice in a train car, officially ending World War I. Also born on this historic day: Leonardo DiCaprio. The man turned aging into performance art… same face, different 20-something girlfriend.

We worked hard on today’s issue — mostly so you’d smile before the caffeine hits. Grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and enjoy the read. Peace (and Leo’s youth) won’t last forever.

Today’s stories:

• World’s biggest spiderweb found, nightmares confirmed

• Hackers cracked the Louvre with kindergarten security

• Rockefeller tree’s here—NYC just hit holiday mode

• A blood test just rewrote Alzheimer’s diagnosis

• Tom Brady cloned his dog—because of course

• Big Short guy shorts AI—markets panic again

• Meta’s new metric: fraud per dollar earned

• Trump’s $2K rebate plan skips the math

• America’s mortgage just hit middle age

• AI sales rep closes deals—and your job

• Snapchat just invited AI into your DMs

• Maybach built a yacht for the 0.01%

  and more…

Tech stocks kicked off the week like they’d just downed a double espresso. The Nasdaq jumped 2.2%, nearly reclaiming record highs, while the S&P 500 climbed 1.5% and the Dow added 350 points. The rally came after Congress finally looked ready to end the 39-day government shutdown that’s been choking the economy and freezing federal data releases. A bipartisan deal cleared a key Senate hurdle overnight, sparking investor optimism that Washington might, for once, get out of its own way. Still, with consumer sentiment scraping the floor and key inflation reports on ice, the Fed’s crystal ball isn’t getting any clearer.

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The 50-Year Fix That Fixes Nothing

The Trump administration wants Americans to pay off homes over 50 years. Federal Housing Finance Agency Director Bill Pulte called it a “game changer,” which is one way to describe being in debt for half a century. Monthly payments might drop by a couple hundred bucks, but total interest nearly doubles. On a $400K home, that’s $816K in interest — basically buying your house twice. Economists say it could boost housing demand but also push prices higher. In other words, the great American dream now comes with an expiration date that outlives you.

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Snap signs $400M deal to add AI… to your DMs. Snapchat just signed a $400 million deal with AI startup Perplexity to make your late-night Snap convos even weirder. The plan: bake Perplexity’s “answer engine” straight into the app so users can ask questions and get real answers, without ever leaving their chat to Google things. Perplexity’s paying Snap in cash and equity to make it happen, with the feature launching globally in early 2026. CEO Evan Spiegel says it’ll make AI “personal, social, and fun.” It’s the biggest proof yet that AI is now officially part of your DMs. Congrats, privacy — it’s over.

Trump promises $2,000 checks, math still missing. Donald Trump is promising Americans $2,000 “tariff rebate checks,” claiming the money would come from tariffs collected on imported goods. In classic Trump fashion, he announced it on Truth Social, calling anyone against tariffs “FOOLS!” and promising payouts to “everyone (not including high income people!).” The math doesn’t really add up. The government’s taken in around $220 billion in tariff revenue — but sending $2,000 to every taxpayer would cost roughly $326 billion. Even with an income cap, it’s still a financial magic trick that needs more money than exists in the pot. Trump says the checks would act like a “dividend” for Americans. Critics say it’s more like paying people back with their own money, since tariffs usually raise prices for consumers in the first place. His Treasury Secretary sounded unconvinced too, saying it’s “one of many ideas.” 

Meta made $16 billion off scams. Meta reportedly made about $16 billion in 2024 from scam and shady ads — roughly 10% of its total sales. According to internal documents leaked to Reuters, those ads pushed everything from fake investment schemes to illegal casinos and banned meds — basically the full internet starter pack of bad decisions. The company’s own data estimated users were shown around 15 billion of these “higher-risk” scam ads per day. But here’s the twist: Meta worried that removing too many of them might hurt its bottom line. So… integrity, but make it optional. Meta says the report “distorts” the company’s efforts to fight fraud, calling the $16 billion figure an “overly inclusive estimate.” Which is PR-speak for: “Technically true, but please stop saying it out loud.”

The man who saw 2008 coming now sees AI crashing. Michael Burry — the guy who saw 2008 coming and made Hollywood money off it — just placed a $1.1 billion bet against AI darlings Nvidia and Palantir. The man behind The Big Short is apparently back for The Big Nope. He used put options to short both companies, and markets instantly freaked out. Palantir tanked up to 16% in a single day, Nvidia slipped a few points, and the Nasdaq had its worst drop in weeks. Even overseas markets caught the anxiety flu — Asia and Europe both dipped hard after the news. Palantir’s been hit the worst, still crawling along despite strong earnings. The stock’s absurd price-to-earnings ratio (254) and sky-high hype made it an easy target. Nvidia, on the other hand, just shrugged — because when you print money with GPUs, who cares? Wall Street’s watching to see if Burry’s magic touch returns — or if he’s just shorting vibes this time.

The floating Maybach you’ll never be invited to. Maybach is trading roads for waves. The brand just announced plans for a floating private members’ club — the Maybach Ocean Club — aboard a 500-foot gigayacht called Beyond Horizons. Think of it as a billionaire’s cruise ship, minus the buffet and screaming kids.

The setup: 30 suites with balconies, fine dining, wellness spas, water toys, and just 72 guests max at a time. About 300 co-owners will each get four weeks a year onboard. The ship will run on clean fuel (for moral points) and feature interiors that look straight out of a Maybach showroom — all gloss, leather, and soft lighting that says, you can’t afford this. Basically, it’s the Hamptons… if the Hamptons could move.

FDA Approves New Alzheimer’s Blood Test

A major shift in Alzheimer’s diagnosis just landed. The FDA approved the first blood test for early detection — Lumipulse — making it way easier (and cheaper) to find out if memory loss is more than just forgetting where you parked. Until now, diagnosing Alzheimer’s meant brain scans or spinal taps — aka, the expensive and painful route. Lumipulse changes that with a simple blood draw that looks for Alzheimer’s-linked proteins. It’s accurate over 90% of the time and way less invasive than a needle in your spine. If Medicare signs off on covering it, Lumipulse could become the new standard, helping doctors spot the disease early and start treatment sooner. Science just made the future of brain health a little less scary — and a lot more accessible.

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1,140 square feet of pure arachnid terror. Scientists just found nightmare fuel on the Albanian-Greek border — a 1,140-square-foot spiderweb crawling with more than 110,000 spiders. The “Sulfur Cave” (great name) is now officially home to the world’s biggest web, where tens of thousands of eight-legged roommates hang out in total darkness like the creepiest co-op imaginable. Researchers say it’s the first time these spider species have ever been seen living together. Somewhere, a biologist is thrilled. Everyone else is reconsidering travel to the Balkans.

Mindy: the sales agent who knows everything and needs no coffee. AI sales reps are officially taking your job calls. 1mind, a startup founded by Amanda Kahlow (ex-6sense CEO), just raised $30 million from Battery Ventures to expand Mindy — an AI sales agent that doesn’t just pitch, it closes deals. Think ChatGPT with a quota. Unlike most sales bots that spam inboxes and call you mid-lunch, Mindy handles inbound leads — chatting with buyers on websites, hopping on Zooms, even onboarding customers. Kahlow says she built it to “replicate the human experience,” though, for now, it mostly replicates the part where sales reps sound like they’re reading from a script. Mindy already works with companies like HubSpot, LinkedIn, and New Relic — and yes, the bot’s so convincing that some clients forget they’re talking to AI. Kahlow even made an AI version of herself for investor meetings. 1mind claims it’s not replacing account execs yet — just sales engineers, customer success reps, and, you know, websites. The human jobs will stick around… until trust issues fade and bots start closing six-figure deals with other bots.

The Louvre’s Password Was “Louvre.” That Went Well.

Turns out the Louvre — home to the Mona Lisa and $80 million in crown jewels — had a security password straight out of a toddler’s imagination: “Louvre.” That’s it. No numbers, no symbols, no effort. Just Louvre. Hackers didn’t even need to try. Confidential docs show that in 2014, typing “Louvre” got you full access to the museum’s video surveillance. The cybersecurity software? Protected by another genius password: “Thales,” the name of the company that made it. Truly a masterclass in self-sabotage. The blunder comes after thieves in high-vis jackets used a cherry picker to swipe the jewels in minutes — an Ocean’s Eleven remake if it were directed by the IT department from hell. An audit found the museum’s security system was riddled with holes, with less than half of rooms having cameras. Repairs won’t be done until 2032, meaning plenty of time left for more “artistic” disappearances.

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Tom Brady clones his dog. Tom Brady has officially entered his mad scientist era. The retired NFL legend revealed his new dog, Junie, is actually a clone of his late pit bull mix, Lua — recreated by biotech company Colossal Biosciences, which Brady also happens to invest in. Because when you’re Tom Brady, even your grief has equity. Colossal just bought Viagen Pets, another cloning company, to expand their “make-your-dog-again” business. Brady says it was all done with a “simple blood draw” before Lua passed, and now he’s got a living copy running around the house.

The Rockefeller tree has landed, NYC officially in Christmas mode. New York officially flipped the switch on holiday mode this weekend as the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree arrived in Manhattan — a 75-foot Norway spruce that weighs 11 tons and probably has better security than most celebrities. The tree came from East Greenbush, New York, and made the 150-mile road trip to Midtown on a flatbed truck, greeted by crowds who treated it like a royal motorcade. Workers then used cranes to hoist it above the skating rink, kicking off the city’s yearly race to out-festive one another. Soon it’ll be decked out with 50,000 LED lights and a 900-pound Swarovski star, because subtlety is for other cities. The lighting ceremony happens December 3, hosted by Reba McEntire — because nothing says Christmas in New York like country music and traffic.

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TikTok of the day: watch here

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