Good morning. Well, well, well. The first week of February is officially behind us. The gym is emptier, the resolutions are deader, and the only thing still standing strong is your caffeine addiction.

Meanwhile, exactly 40 years ago today, Mayor Ed Koch declared Frank Sinatra’s New York, New York the city’s official anthem. For four full decades, this tune has convinced people that moving here is a great idea.

And as you read today’s news, may it contain at least one story that restores your faith in humanity. Or, at the very least, something ridiculous enough to make you smile.

Today’s stories:

• Republicans push ‘GENIUS’ stablecoin bill—it might pass

• Tim Cook enters ‘Severance’—anything for Apple TV+

• Spotify finally makes money—price hikes worked

• BlackRock’s Bitcoin ETF heads to Switzerland

• Hollywood cuts TV, reality chaos takes over

• Science says midlife women talk, men nod

• Ferrari’s first EV arrives—silence is fast

• Apple ‘reinvents’ RSVPs—sorry, Partiful

  and more…

Wall Street was a mixed bag Thursday as investors braced for Amazon’s earnings and kept one eye on Trump’s whirlwind policy moves. The Dow dipped 0.3%, while the S&P 500 ticked up 0.3%, and the Nasdaq climbed 0.5%—thanks to tech stocks riding a two-day winning streak. Tariff fears that rattled markets earlier in the week seem to have cooled, but traders are now laser-focused on earnings, hunting for any red flags. Meanwhile, tech and chip stocks are under the microscope, with everyone trying to gauge just how hot AI demand really is.

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Senate’s “GENIUS” Stablecoin Plan—Yes, That’s the Name

Crypto-loving Republicans are back with a new stablecoin bill, courtesy of Senator Bill Hagerty. Dubbed the GENIUS Act (because why not), it hands state regulators some control, puts the Fed in charge of big-bank issuers, and lets the OCC oversee nonbanks with over $10 billion in tokens. Unlike last year, when Democrats blocked crypto rules, Republicans now run the show. With Senate Banking Chair Tim Scott and crypto fan Cynthia Lummis backing it, this bill actually stands a chance.

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BlackRock brings Bitcoin to Europe. BlackRock is rolling out a bitcoin exchange-traded product in Europe within weeks. The product will be based in Switzerland—the land of banking secrecy and expensive watches—under BlackRock’s newly formed iShares Digital Assets AG. The Wall Street giant was among the first to offer U.S. bitcoin ETFs after the SEC gave them the green light in early 2024. Since then, its IBIT fund has ballooned to $57.5 billion, proving that institutional investors just can’t resist a shiny new asset class.

Spotify finally makes money. Spotify’s stock jumped 13% on Tuesday after the company finally turned a profit for an entire year—yes, for the first time ever. They wrapped up 2024 with 1.14 billion euros in net income, proving that maybe streaming can be profitable (as long as you hike prices and cut enough jobs).

Ferrari’s first EV is coming. Ferrari is finally going electric, and yes, the sound of screaming petrol engines will soon be replaced by… whatever an electric Ferrari sounds like. The luxury automaker announced that its first fully electric car will debut on October 9 at its Maranello HQ. CEO Benedetto Vigna also confirmed that six new models will drop this year, and no, Trump’s policies or a potential trade war won’t mess with Ferrari’s plans. 

Apple Reinvents Invitations

Apple just dropped Invites, an app for making fancy RSVPs—because apparently, existing invite apps weren’t good enough. Tech folks call this “Sherlocking”—aka Apple copying a popular app (hi, Partiful) and pretending it’s groundbreaking. Partiful, Google Play’s Best App of 2024, already shaded Apple for the rip-off. Invites now competes with Evite, Posh, and Paperless Post, but let’s be honest—you’re using it anyway. Apple owns you.

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OpenAI gets a makeover. OpenAI decided it needed a fresh look, as if artificial intelligence wasn’t already futuristic enough. The company, now worth a casual $340 billion, has rebranded itself with a shiny new typeface (OpenAI Sans, because of course), a tweaked logo, and a pulsing blue dot that now hovers ominously as people try to ask ChatGPT something vaguely intelligent. The new design is now live on OpenAI.com and across ChatGPT’s interfaces. They broke everything down and put it back together, like a tech bro who just discovered minimalism. The AI itself hasn’t changed—just the outfit. 

Meta burns another $20 billion on the Metaverse dream. Meta is throwing another $20 billion into Reality Labs, the team behind Ray-Ban Meta smart glasses. Since 2014, Meta has dumped $80 billion into AR/VR, pushing past $100 billion with this latest investment. Reality Labs pulled in $2.1 billion last year but managed to lose $17.7 billion in the process. Sales of 1 million pairs of smart glasses in 2024 suggest at least some people are buying into the vision. Whether that justifies the spending spree is another story.

Another day, another Chinese tech ban. Lawmakers want DeepSeek AI off government devices after finding out its chatbot grabs login data and beams it to China Mobile, a state-owned telecom already kicked out of the U.S. Reps. LaHood and Gottheimer are calling it a national security risk, because handing over user data to Chinese authorities is apparently a built-in feature. 

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Tim Cook Joins “Severance”

Apple CEO Tim Cook just got “severed” in a new “Severance” Season 2 promo. In the clip, Cook reports for duty at Lumon Industries, fully committed to the show’s workplace nightmare. Apple TV+ reportedly spent $200 million on the new season, so Cook is out here doing his part to make sure people actually watch. 

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Science confirms: midlife women talk more, men just nod. Science confirms what anyone in a long-term relationship already knew: women between 25 and 65 talk 3,000 more words per day than men. A 2007 study claimed men and women were equally chatty, but this update proves midlife women have way more to say—probably from handling everything while men stare blankly into space.

Hollywood slashes TV, reality garbage thrives. Hollywood is cutting TV orders like a broke streamer canceling subscriptions. Show releases are down 7%, episode orders dropped 20%, and comedy has nosedived 39% since 2019. Meanwhile, reality trash and social media drama are thriving. Networks are replacing scripted series with Netflix dating disasters and TikTok messes—cheaper, dumber, and exactly what keeps people watching.

New Zealand mountain now has same legal rights as a person. New Zealand just granted Mt. Taranaki the same legal rights as a person, officially recognizing it as a living ancestor in Māori tradition. The law, passed Thursday, returns the mountain to local tribes, ditches its colonial name Egmont, and comes with a formal government apology for stealing over a million acres of Māori land. Taranaki Maunga now joins the Urewera forest (2014) and the Whanganui River (2017) in getting legal personhood. 

NYC’s congestion pricing works—like it or not. One month into NYC’s congestion pricing, the numbers are in: a million fewer cars rolled into Manhattan’s Central Business District compared to last year. That’s 250,000 fewer cars per week, cutting traffic by 7.5%. People hated the idea at first, but with roads actually clearing up, opposition is starting to quiet down. Turns out, making drivers pay not to sit in traffic kind of works.

NASA’s rover films Mars moon eclipse. NASA’s Perseverance rover just captured the most detailed video yet of Phobos eclipsing the Sun, using its Mastcam-Z camera. It’s the most zoomed-in, highest frame-rate footage of a Phobos eclipse ever recorded from the Martian surface. No, it won’t solve Earth’s problems, but it’s still pretty cool.

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TikTok of the day: watch here