Good morning. It’s Thursday, April 17 — and if you’re feeling that oddly specific urge to rebrand your entire life before the weekend, you’re not alone. Everyone and their mom is suddenly “going for a walk” and “just trying to get steps in,” aka soft-launching their summer fitness eras. But hey, whether you’re out here chasing a six-pack or just chasing your iced latte, you’re already hot.

Have a gorgeous Thursday, and enjoy the read.

Today’s stories:

• Starbucks bans barista fashion experiments

• Hermès dethrones LVMH in luxe showdown

• Giant squid finally spotted alive on camera

• World’s rarest blue diamond hits auction

• New drug zaps hidden cholesterol fast

• American Airlines joins free Wi-Fi club

• Paris bikes, pollution drops, air clears

• Tariff chaos, chip pain, China drama

• Webull stock goes meme mode wild

• OpenAI's GPT-4.1 codes like crazy

• Tech dodges tariffs, for now

  and more…

Wall Street had a rough one Wednesday. The Nasdaq plunged 3.1%, dragged down by Nvidia’s 7% drop after the U.S. tightened the screws on AI chip exports to China. Even H20 processors — Nvidia’s workaround to previous bans — are now on the naughty list, and the company’s bracing for a $5.5 billion hit. AMD’s in the same boat.

Meanwhile, Fed Chair Jerome Powell threw cold water on hopes for imminent rate cuts, warning of tough choices ahead if Trump’s trade war keeps rattling the economy. The Dow sank 700 points, the S&P 500 slid 2.2%, and investors limped into the close after a late bounce softened what could’ve been an even uglier day.

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American Airlines Finally Joins the Wi-Fi Club

American Airlines is ending its era of $10 emails and $599 browsing passes. Starting January 2026, most passengers will get free Wi-Fi — but only if they’re part of the airline’s (also free) loyalty program. The perk will roll out to 90% of the fleet, which American claims will make it the most Wi-Fi-friendly domestic airline. Bold words from the last major carrier to stop charging for internet like it’s 2007. Test flights apparently showed “better-than-expected” performance. Translation: you might actually load a YouTube video before landing.

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Tariffs, chips, and tantrums. China says it’s open to trade talks — as long as the US shows “respect,” stops flip-flopping, and assigns someone who can stick to a conversation. Meanwhile, the White House just hit Chinese imports with tariffs up to 245%, which is definitely one way to say “let’s negotiate.” Markets aren’t loving it. ASML spooked investors with weak orders and no clue how the new rules will hit. Nvidia said it louder: a $5.5 billion punch in the face from export limits. The chip war is very real. Investors are also clinging to whispers of delays and carve-outs. Trump hinted at postponing auto tariffs and already paused some tech-related ones. But make no mistake — he still wants them all in the end.

Phones safe (for now): tech escapes tariff hit. Big Tech and auto stocks jumped after Trump yanked smartphones and electronics off the tariff list, only to turn around and dangle more levies like a game show host with no script. Markets briefly bounced, but the S&P 500 is still limping along, down 8% this year. The White House quietly admitted that hammering inflation-weary consumers with 25% tariffs might be a bad look, especially when the products are things like phones and laptops. But don't relax—Trump immediately teased new tariffs on semiconductors and auto imports from Canada, Mexico, and whoever else made the mistake of being in the supply chain.

Hermès overtakes LVMH. Hermès just out-flexed LVMH, becoming the world’s most valuable luxury brand — and yes, the irony is delicious. The same company LVMH tried to sneakily buy 15 years ago is now worth more than the empire that owns Louis Vuitton, Dior, and Moët. At Tuesday’s close, Hermès hit a €249 billion market cap, topping LVMH’s €244 billion and claiming the crown on France’s CAC40 index. Globally, it now trails only SAP and Novo Nordisk in Europe. The switch came after LVMH’s underwhelming Q1 report, where fashion, leather goods, wine, and spirits all dipped. Investors weren’t impressed. Hermès, meanwhile, keeps riding high on the strength of its Birkins, belts, and that sweet, slow luxury drip.

Webull goes public, stock goes feral. Webull finally made its public debut through a SPAC merger, and the stock immediately lost its mind. After closing at $13.25 on Friday, it spiked as much as 500% to nearly $80 on Monday — because apparently we’re doing meme stock energy again. The trading app had flirted with an IPO back in the 2021 “stonks only go up” era but got cold feet when the market crashed in 2022. Fast forward to now, it merged with SK Growth Opportunities and slapped the ticker symbol "BULL" on itself. Subtle.

New Drug Nukes Hidden Cholesterol in One Shot

A single dose of an experimental drug just wiped out a sneaky, deadly cholesterol by nearly 94% — and cardiologists are calling it “remarkable.” The drug, lepodisiran (from Eli Lilly), targets lipoprotein(a), aka Lp(a), a genetic heart risk that most people don’t even know they have because it hides from routine tests and laughs at kale salads. The Phase 2 trial showed a 93.9% drop in Lp(a) levels six months after one dose. A year later, levels were still down 88.5%. Patients who got a second shot saw levels fall 94.8% by the one-year mark.

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OpenAI’s new models want your coding job. OpenAI launched GPT-4.1, along with its mini and nano versions, all built to code like overachieving interns on Adderall. They can handle a million tokens at once — that’s more than War and Peace and your unread emails combined. Only available through the API, not ChatGPT. OpenAI’s aiming to build a full-stack software engineer that doesn’t sleep, complain, or miss deadlines. Google, Anthropic, and DeepSeek are in the race too. Everyone wants a robot that replaces your dev team and still delivers clean documentation.

Giant squid finally caught on camera. A colossal squid has been filmed in the wild for the first time — a full century after scientists even figured out it existed. The 30cm-long baby (yes, that’s the baby size) was spotted 600 meters deep near the South Sandwich Islands during a 35-day deep-sea expedition. This slippery legend can grow up to 7 meters long and weigh over 1,100 pounds, making it the heaviest invertebrate on Earth and the reason sailors used to lose their minds at sea.

Paris Pedals Its Way to Clean Air

Paris has gone full bike mode — and the air is finally catching up. Since Mayor Anne Hidalgo took office in 2014, the city has banned cars from over 100 streets, scrapped tens of thousands of parking spots, and built hundreds of miles of bike lanes. The result: traffic is down, bikes are everywhere, and air pollution has been cut in half. Compared to 2005, PM2.5 levels have dropped 55%, and nitrogen dioxide — the smoggy stuff — is down 50%. Riding through Paris at rush hour now feels more like Copenhagen than a traffic jam, and honestly, no one's missing the fumes.

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Starbucks tightens the apron code. Starting May 12, Starbucks baristas will have to stick to a uniform look under those iconic green aprons: solid black shirts and khaki, black, or blue denim bottoms. That’s it. No more rainbow tie-dyes, no more interpretive fashion statements. Shirts can have sleeves, collars, or not — but they better be black. Starbucks will hand out two free T-shirts per employee to soften the blow.

The World’s rarest blue diamond is up for sale. Christie’s is about to drop jaws with the auction of the Golconda Blue — a 23.24-carat fancy vivid blue diamond that’s basically dripping in old money. Estimated to sell for $35 to $50 million, it’s the largest of its kind ever offered publicly and hits the block in Geneva on May 14. This isn't just any oversized rock. It once belonged to the Maharaja and Maharani of Indore, the ultra-glam Indian royals who served looks in the ‘20s and ‘30s. Over the years, the stone bounced between legendary jewelers like Chaumet, Mauboussin, and Harry Winston — who naturally couldn’t resist resetting it a few times like a perfectionist with too much sparkle budget. Now it’s been mounted by JAR — the elusive Parisian jeweler whose creations are more exclusive than a Met Gala bathroom selfie.

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TikTok of the day: watch here