Good morning,

It’s Thursday, September 4. On this day in 1781, 44 settlers showed up and founded Los Angeles—aka the city that went from dusty pueblo to Hollywood sign, traffic jams, and smoothies that cost more than rent. The original name was El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles de Porciúncula—which sounds less like a city and more like the world’s longest Starbucks order.

And while LA is out here celebrating a birthday, we’re stuck in “fake fall.” September basically catfishes us every year with crisp-leaf vibes, then serves up 85 degrees and humidity.

Anyway, grab your iced coffee (hot drinks are for liars), push your to-do list to later, and enjoy the read.

Today’s stories:

• Lab-grown gems tank Botswana’s diamond-driven economy

• Stablecoins lure savers with higher returns than banks

• Vogue’s new editor proudly embraces nepo baby label

• Alibaba tests homegrown AI chip amid U.S. squeeze

• Costco gold bars just turned genius investments

• Penn Station renovation promised for 2027 start

• Anthropic hits $183B valuation with $13B raise

• Aman opens luxury ski resort in Italian Alps

• Amazon kills Prime sharing for freeloaders

• Hackers now use AI to write ransomware

• Human egg cells seem to resist aging

  and more…

Tech stocks carried the market Wednesday, with the Nasdaq climbing 1% as Alphabet and Apple led the charge. Alphabet surged 9.1% after a judge spared Google from tough antitrust penalties, letting it keep Chrome and its Apple deal intact. Apple rode the wave higher, while Bitcoin and gold also notched gains. Stocks were mixed overall—the Dow was little changed, the S&P 500 added 0.5%, and the Nasdaq Composite led gains. Still, traders aren’t getting too comfortable—September’s shaky track record and fresh worries over inflation and Fed independence keep volatility on the table.

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Gold Hits Record

Gold smashed a record at $3,549 an ounce, up 42% in a year. The people who panic-bought gold bars at Costco in 2024—wedged between rotisserie chickens and flat-screen TVs—are suddenly investment geniuses. That one-ounce bar you grabbed for $2,679 is now worth $3,549, a 32.5% gain. Sounds rich until the vultures show up. Dealers skim 5–10% off the top, then the IRS takes its cut. Gold is a “collectible,” which means the government taxes it like baseball cards, Beanie Babies, and other bad life choices. Long-term gains still get slammed with rates up to 28%. California and New York pile on state taxes big enough to make you reconsider capitalism altogether.

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Anthropic becomes the rich kid of AI. AI startup Anthropic just bagged $13 billion, blasting its valuation to a bonkers $183 billion. That’s nearly triple where it stood, making it one of the priciest tech darlings on the planet. Iconiq Capital, Fidelity, Lightspeed, GIC, and even Qatar’s money pool piled in—because apparently everyone wants a slice of Claude, Anthropic’s AI that’s somehow managed to look “safe” and “trustworthy” while raking in billions. The company’s revenue jumped from $1B in January to $5B by August, with its coding tool alone pulling half a billion. Investors call this “responsible AI.” Translation: it's a profitable panic wrapped in ethics branding.

Amazon cuts off Prime moochers. Amazon is killing off its Prime Invitee Program—the little loophole that let you share free shipping with friends who definitely didn’t live with you. Starting October 1, the gravy train ends, and your freeloading cousin will have to pay $139 a year like everyone else. Amazon says this is about “focusing on families,” which now means Prime sharing only works if everyone lives under the same roof. Translation: no more long-distance Prime hookups unless your friend is willing to move into your basement. The timing is suspicious. Internal docs show Prime sign-ups before this year’s Prime Day flopped compared to last year, even with Amazon bragging about “record-breaking” numbers globally. Cutting off the invitee loophole is basically Amazon shaking the couch cushions for more subscriptions.

Banks rage as stablecoins offer bigger yields. The GENIUS Act was meant to rein in stablecoins with strict reserves, audits, and a ban on paying interest. But exchanges spotted the gap—they can still hand out “rewards” that look exactly like interest. Coinbase waves around 4.1% for USDC, Kraken dangles 5.5%. Banks look weak in comparison, and they hate it. The problem is simple: stablecoins aren’t FDIC-insured. When one blows up, there’s no bailout. Lawmakers call it digital cash, banks call it theft, and regulators call it a trillion-dollar headache in the making.

Lab diamonds wreck Botswana’s economy. Botswana built its wealth on sparkly rocks. For decades, the country turned diamond riches into free healthcare, college stipends, and infrastructure that made it the envy of Africa. But now lab-grown gems are eating the market alive, and the cash faucet is sputtering. Natural diamonds take billions of years to form under crushing heat and pressure. Lab diamonds take a few weeks in a warehouse with some machinery and fluorescent lighting. Guess which one wins in a world that wants cheap engagement rings. The fallout is brutal: clinics packed with patients, students threatening boycotts over unpaid allowances, and construction firms laying people off as government contracts dry up. Diamonds make up 80% of Botswana’s exports and a third of state revenue—when the market tanks, so does the whole country. President Duma Boko admitted the obvious: betting everything on diamonds was a bad strategy. Now his government is scrambling to diversify, hiring consultants from Malaysia and entertaining a sketchy $12 billion promise from a little-known Qatari group that also pledged $100 billion elsewhere. Translation: Botswana is being catfished by investment bros while De Beers’ parent company looks for the exit. Lab-grown gems have gone from 5% of U.S. engagement rings in 2019 to almost half in 2023. Cheaper, faster, shinier—it’s the biggest shake-up in the market in a century, and it’s turning Botswana’s billion-year-old treasure into yesterday’s luxury.

Ovaries Break the Aging Rules

A new study says human egg cells seem to dodge one of aging’s usual problems. While mitochondria in most tissues collect DNA damage as we get older, the ones in ovaries don’t. In plain English: ovarian cells stay genetically cleaner than the rest of the body. Why it happens? No clue. What to do with it? Also unclear. Researchers stress it’s early days, and nobody’s turning this into fertility advice yet. But the takeaway is simple: ovaries appear to resist time better than the rest of us falling apart.

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Alibaba tries DIY chips. Alibaba is testing a new AI chip as China scrambles to ditch its Nvidia addiction. The chip, built by a domestic manufacturer, is supposed to handle a wider range of AI work than Alibaba’s last attempt, which relied on Taiwan’s TSMC. Beijing has been leaning hard on tech giants like Alibaba and ByteDance to cut dependence on Nvidia’s H20—the one U.S.-approved chip China can still buy. Sales of that chip were choked earlier this year, then partially revived, leaving Chinese firms desperate for a Plan B. Alibaba isn’t exactly struggling—its cloud revenue just jumped 26% last quarter—but the message is clear: Washington holds the leash, and Chinese tech companies are now racing to prove they can build their own silicon without begging for scraps.

AI joins the dark side. Cybercriminals have a new intern, and it works for free. Generative AI tools are now officially helping hackers churn out ransomware. Anthropic admits its Claude chatbot and coding model were caught ghost-writing malware, ransom notes, and even offering “ransomware-as-a-service” starter packs to wannabe villains for the low, low price of $400. Congratulations, hacking is now cheaper than a Peloton.

One UK-based scammer called GTG-5004 used Claude to build and sell malware he clearly couldn’t write himself. Think of it as Clippy with an evil streak: “Looks like you’re trying to extort a hospital—would you like help with that?” Anthropic says it banned the account and bolted on new filters, but by now the toothpaste is all over the bathroom floor.

Meanwhile, security firm ESET showed off “PromptLock,” the first proof-of-concept ransomware written entirely with AI. It hasn’t hit victims yet, but the code proves criminals can now spin up malware like influencers crank out TikToks—cheap, fast, and annoying for everyone else.

Ransomware was already a billion-dollar headache. Add AI and suddenly you don’t need a degree in computer science, just a decent prompt. Cybercrime just got easier, dumber, and a lot scarier.

Penn Station Finally Getting a Glow-Up

After decades of “we’ll get to it,” officials say Penn Station will actually start renovations in 2027. Federal transport secretary Sean P. Duffy and Amtrak’s Andy Byford swore it’s happening—top-to-bottom, not just slapping new tiles on the rat palace. Byford summed it up: “Enough talking.” Translation: brace yourself for a construction zone that will last longer than your lease.

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Aman plants its flag in the Dolomites. Aman Rosa Alpina just opened in San Cassiano, Italy, and it’s peak money energy: 65-foot infinity pool, glass fireplaces, and ski butlers on call. The hotel’s been around since 1939, but now it’s been Aman-ified with spas, wine libraries, a cigar lounge, and a Japanese hot pot joint for après-ski flexing. With the 2026 Winter Olympics nearby, expect it to be ground zero for fur coats and people pretending they like hiking.

Vogue’s new boss calls herself a nepo baby. Chloe Malle, daughter of Candice Bergen and Louis Malle, is the new editorial head of Vogue U.S. She replaces Anna Wintour, who stepped aside after 37 years but still lurks in the hallways as “mentor.” Malle, 39, joined Vogue back in 2011 and climbed the ladder from social editor to running Vogue.com. She openly admits she’s a “proud nepo baby,” saying she’s benefited from privilege but works harder to prove she’s more than just Hollywood offspring. Translation: couture dynasty continues, just with a fresher Instagram handle.

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