Good morning.

It’s the fourth day of March. The “new month, new me” energy is still technically allowed. 

Wishing you a sharp, focused, low-drama week. Make the calls you need to make. Ignore the ones you don’t. And as always — thank you for reading.

Today’s stories:

Stocks swung wildly Tuesday as fears of a prolonged U.S.–Iran conflict rattled traders — until comments from President Donald Trump helped dial down the panic. Geopolitics hit first. Reassurance came later.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average fell 0.83%, shedding 403 points to close at 48,501. The S&P 500 dropped 0.94%, while the Nasdaq Composite slid 1.02%. Respectable losses by the close. But the intraday drama was louder.

At the session’s lows, the Dow was down more than 1,200 points. The S&P 500 sank 2.5%. The Nasdaq fell roughly 2.7%. A near-panic that softened into “manageable concern” by the closing bell.

In other words: markets flirted with chaos, then remembered headlines can move faster than missiles.

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Rolex opened a watchmaking school in Texas. Yes, Texas. The land of oil and oversized trucks is now training people to fix microscopic Swiss gears. It’s harder to get in than you think. Over 560 people applied for 27 spots. Ivy League odds, but instead of writing essays, you’re learning how not to destroy a $30,000 wrist trophy. Inside every Rolex is a tiny mechanical circus. One microscopic Y-shaped part ticks eight times per second. If it fails, your “I made it” moment becomes a very expensive paperweight. Repairing it can cost $800 and take weeks. Problem is, Rolex sells over a million watches a year, resale is booming, and America has fewer than 2,000 watchmakers who can fix luxury pieces properly. So Rolex decided to grow its own. The program runs 18 months. Pass the final in Geneva and you’re a Rolex Certified Watchmaker, with average pay around $95,000 a year. Not bad for a job that requires steady hands and zero tolerance for shaking after coffee. Students range from high school grads to burned-out corporate types. All united by one mission: keep people’s heirlooms ticking.

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Rich Americans discover peace and quiet. Americans are packing up. Not for Florida. For New Zealand. Thanks to new visa rules, wealthy Americans can now invest about $2.9 million, buy a fancy house, stay just 21 days over three years, and boom — indefinite residency. No full-time move required. Just vibes, sheep, and a view. From 2018 to 2025, US approvals for NZ residency jumped 37%. Americans made up 40% of investor visa applications. That’s not tourism. That’s strategic relocation. The country quietly reversed its 2018 foreign buyer ban (remember that?) after the economy got a little… soft. Translation: they need capital. Politicians are saying it politely. One even admitted, “We love our American friends.” Of course you do. But don’t get too excited. You can only buy one home. And it has to be worth over NZ$5 million. So this isn’t Airbnb energy. This is “helicopter landing pad” energy.

The $40K longevity club. Equinox has a $40,000-a-year membership. And yes, there’s a waiting list. Over 1,000 people deep. Apparently, burpees hit different when they cost the price of a small car. The program is called “Optimize by Equinox.” Launched in 2024. It includes personal training, nutrition plans, sleep coaching, massage therapy, blood testing, and even a “health concierge.” The global wellness market is expected to hit nearly $10 trillion by 2030. That’s trillion, with a T. Longevity is now a business model. Equinox isn’t just a gym anymore. It’s hotels, IV drips, blood panels, biomarker tracking, and “high-performance lifestyle” programming. They opened a hotel in Hudson Yards. Another one is coming to Saudi Arabia. A dozen more globally in the next few years. They already have 115 clubs and plan to open 40 more, including in Nashville, Toronto, Charlotte, and South Florida. New York still gets more, because of course it does. The $40K membership includes testing 100 biomarkers twice a year through Function Health. Basically they measure everything in your body and then tell you how to optimize it.

Buffett’s quiet exit. Warren Buffett closed out his last quarter as CEO of Berkshire Hathaway with a 30% drop in operating earnings. Not dramatic. Just noticeably softer. Q4 operating earnings fell to $10.2 billion from $14.56 billion a year earlier. Insurance did most of the damage. Underwriting profits dropped 54%. Insurance investment income slid nearly 25%. Even the legendary “float” had an off season. For all of 2025, operating earnings came in at $44.49 billion, down from $47.44 billion. Net earnings for the year fell to $66.97 billion from $89 billion, helped lower by a $4.5 billion impairment tied to Kraft Heinz and Occidental Petroleum. Even Buffett’s portfolio takes a hit sometimes. Greg Abel officially took over in 2026, promising to keep the culture disciplined and strong. Buffett stays on as chairman. Legends don’t clock out completely. No buybacks this quarter. The cash pile dipped slightly to $373 billion. Yes, slightly. Berkshire shares rose 10% in 2025, trailing the S&P 500’s 16%. But zoom out. Since 1965, Berkshire has compounded at nearly 20% annually. Total gain: over 6,000,000%. One soft quarter doesn’t erase a six-million-percent career.

Apple launched the iPhone 17e, new Macbooks, new Studio Display and a refreshed iPad Air. Visually, nothing dramatic happened. Calm down. The iPhone 17e looks just like the 16e. Same body, same vibe, same “didn’t I just finance this?” feeling. Inside, though, it gets the new A19 chip, MagSafe is back, the C1X modem boosts 5G speeds, and base storage jumps to 256GB. At least they doubled something. Price stays at $599. Stability. We love that. Now the iPad Air. Same design again. Apple is clearly in its “if it works, don’t touch it” era. But internally, it upgrades to the M4 chip, 12GB of RAM instead of 8GB, Wi-Fi 7 support, and the new modem for cellular models. This wasn’t a redesign year. This was a “we improved the engine” year. No fireworks. Just better specs.

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Anthropic’s very public glow-up. After a messy back-and-forth with the Pentagon, Claude shot to No. 1 in Apple’s US App Store, passing ChatGPT like it had something to prove. On Saturday night, it took the top spot. By Sunday morning, it was still sitting there. At the end of January, Claude wasn’t even in the top 100. Most of February, it floated around the top 20. Then suddenly: sixth on Wednesday, fourth on Thursday, first by Saturday. Nothing like a little government tension to boost downloads. According to the company, daily signups broke records every day this week. Free users are up more than 60% since January. Paid subscribers have more than doubled this year. Drama converts. Here’s what happened. Anthropic tried to negotiate limits on how the Department of Defense could use its AI, including blocking mass domestic surveillance and fully autonomous weapons. President Donald Trump responded by telling federal agencies to stop using Anthropic products. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reportedly labeled the company a supply-chain threat. OpenAI, meanwhile, announced its own Pentagon deal, with CEO Sam Altman saying it includes safeguards. Calm. Professional. Very corporate. So yes, Claude went from “nice alternative chatbot” to “number one app” in a week. Turns out controversy is still the best marketing strategy on Earth. Nothing drives downloads like a little Washington heat.

Neanderthals had a type. Researchers found that when Neanderthals and early humans interbred, it was mostly Neanderthal males with human females. The reverse pairing — human males with Neanderthal females — happened far less often. Scientists say this could point to “partner preference.” Which is a polite academic way of saying even 40,000 years ago, there were vibes. No one knows exactly why. It could’ve been migration patterns, social structure, territory dynamics, or just who showed up first when humans moved into Neanderthal neighborhoods. One geneticist called it the best attempt yet at answering the question. Another expert suggested it may have led to tension. If Neanderthal males were monopolizing human females, that probably didn’t create a peaceful group chat. So yes, prehistoric romance may have been competitive.

McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski posted a video trying the new “Big Arch” burger. It did not go well. In the clip, he calls the burger a “product,” describes the patties and sauce like he’s reading a shareholder report, and announces he’ll be eating it for lunch. Very natural. Very casual. Very human. Then comes the bite. He stares at the oversized sandwich like it’s a strategic challenge. Admits he doesn’t know “how to attack it.” Takes the tiniest nibble imaginable. Smiles bravely. Internet immediately said no. Social media roasted him for handling the burger like it was a foreign object. One comment summed it up perfectly: “Man’s aura screams kale salad.”

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The era of deflating. After a decade of bigger lips, higher cheeks, fuller everything, people are now lining up to dissolve, deflate, and undo. The same clinics that once injected half of Manhattan are now reversing it. Filler is the biggest regret. Doctors say dissolving it isn’t some magical reset button. Once you pump volume into your face for years, taking it out can leave sagging and crepey skin. Think deflated balloon energy. So now it’s filler removal plus skin tightening, microneedling, radiofrequency. Undoing the glow-up requires another glow-up. Celebrities opened the door. Victoria Beckham removed implants. Kylie Jenner and Courteney Cox talked about dissolving fillers. Suddenly “natural bone structure” is trending again. Breast implants are shrinking too. Or disappearing completely. Some women are swapping them for subtle lifts and small fat transfers. Translation: less “club era,” more “Pilates mom.” Semaglutide also changed the aesthetic. Rapid weight loss plus big implants creates what one surgeon bluntly described as “boobs on a stick.” Not the look. And then there’s the BBL. The hardest one to undo. Reversing a Brazilian butt lift is complicated, risky, and expensive. Suctioning it out can cause nerve damage, uneven results, and loose skin. Even influencers are documenting multiple surgeries trying to scale it back. The trend is clear: smaller lips, smaller implants, smaller everything. The “more is more” era is officially tired.

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TikTok of the day: watch here

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