Good morning.

It’s Tuesday, October 28. The air’s got that pre-Halloween chill—the kind that makes you question if it’s too early to start wearing scarves indoors just for the vibe. On this day, a trio of icons entered the world: Julia Roberts, Caitlyn Jenner, and Bill Gates. Beauty, athleticism, and capitalism—all born under the same lucky constellation of “main character energy.” Julia taught us the power of a smile, Caitlyn redefined reinvention, and Bill made sure we’d all spend our lives restarting things that “aren’t responding.”

Have a good day—and may your Wi-Fi and patience both stay strong.

Today’s stories:

• Nike launches mind-boosting, leg-cheating sneakers

• Amazon turns drivers into cyborg delivery machines

• Stranger Things finale hits theaters New Year’s Eve

• LaGuardia goes from meme to masterpiece

• AI bubble nears its post-party headache

• Nvidia builds cars that drive themselves

• Pig kidney keeps man alive nine months

• Rich buy jets, dodge taxes, and shine

• Gold crashes as trade tensions cool

• Apple turns Maps into an ad maze
  

  and more…

Wall Street’s taking a breather—barely. Stock futures were flat Monday night after a monster rally kicked off the week. The calm comes before a triple threat of market movers: Big Tech earnings, a fresh Fed rate call, and a possible U.S.-China trade deal.

Dow futures inched up 22 points, S&P futures added a hair, and the Nasdaq 100 ticked 0.1% higher—basically the financial version of holding your breath. Monday’s optimism came as Trump and Xi prepped for a Thursday meetup, reportedly agreeing on a framework to ease restrictions on rare earths, soybeans, and yes, TikTok.

The S&P 500 popped past 6,800 for the first time ever, joining the Nasdaq, Dow, and Russell 2000 in record territory. The market’s high on peace talks and earnings hype—now it just has to survive the week.

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How to Wash Millions Without a Crime

America’s elite have a new way to wash away their taxes—literally. Thanks to Trump’s latest tax overhaul, the ultrarich can now write off the entire cost of certain “business assets” like private jets, gas stations, and, yes, car washes. Jet sales are up 11% this year, and rich folks are racing to buy before December to cash in on the permanent 100% write-off. Some don’t even plan to use the planes, they just buy them, rent them out, and let the IRS foot the bill. The same logic applies to car washes, which have become the new country club investment for people who hate paying taxes but love a good rinse. The government’s set to lose $363 billion over the next decade from this “bonus depreciation” scheme. But hey, at least the skies will be full and your neighborhood will have more car washes than housing. 

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Nvidia’s next product: a self-driving taxi. Nvidia, the world’s most valuable company and unofficial god of AI chips, is reportedly building its own robot taxi. The company, best known for powering your gaming laptop and every other AI model on Earth, is working on a self-driving taxi project based on its DRIVE AGX Thor system. Basically a car that runs entirely on Nvidia’s brain. The project, led by longtime exec Ruchi Bhargava, could roll out in U.S. cities soon, with a $3 billion investment to get things moving. Whether Nvidia plans to actually run a taxi fleet or just show off its tech to carmakers like Mercedes and Rivian is still unclear. But one thing’s certain: if Jensen Huang gets his way, your next Uber might run smoother than your laptop.

Apple Maps is getting ads. Starting next year, Apple Maps might start looking less like a navigation app and more like Times Square. Bloomberg reports Apple plans to roll out ads—letting restaurants and shops pay to appear first in search results. So when you search “pizza,” guess who’s showing up? Whoever paid Tim Cook the most. Apple already clutters the App Store with ads, and now it’s coming for Maps—because apparently $2 trillion isn’t enough. The company promises a “better interface” and “AI-powered relevance,” which is corporate for “you’re about to see sponsored coffee shops everywhere.”

Gold loses its shine. Gold just slipped below $4,000 an ounce, ending one of its wildest rallies in years. After skyrocketing past $4,380 last week, the “safe haven” metal is suddenly out of fashion, thanks to some good vibes between the U.S. and China. Apparently, even a whisper of a trade truce is enough to make investors drop their panic metal. Traders say gold’s just cooling off after running too hot for too long. Central banks aren’t hoarding as much, and with stocks up and rate cuts coming, everyone’s feeling a little less apocalyptic. Analysts think it could slide to $3,800 soon, which, let’s be real, is still a ridiculous price for something that just sits there looking shiny. In short: the world’s not ending this week, so gold’s taking a nap.

Big Tech’s AI hangover is coming. The AI boom that sent Big Tech stocks to the moon may finally be running out of oxygen. Microsoft, Alphabet, Amazon, and Meta are about to report earnings, and while revenue’s still rising, profits are slowing and the hype’s starting to creak. Since ChatGPT’s debut, AI euphoria has added $6 trillion to their market caps. But even Sam Altman and Jeff Bezos are hinting the frenzy’s gone too far. An MIT study found only 5% of AI projects actually work, meaning the rest are just expensive science fair projects with better lighting. The four giants will spend about $400 billion on AI this year, much of it tied up in suspiciously circular deals, like Nvidia investing $100 billion into OpenAI, one of its own customers. Meta even borrowed $27 billion to build more data centers. It’s giving dot-com déjà vu. Still, investors aren’t panicking yet. As long as the money’s flowing, the party continues, though the bass is starting to sound a little like a bubble popping.

Nike Wants to Hack Your Brain (and Legs)

Nike’s new sneakers promise to boost your leg strength and brain activity. So basically workout shoes that double as therapy. The sportswear giant just unveiled “Nike Mind,” a neuroscience-based sneaker line designed to “reawaken” your feet and focus your mind. Think spa day for your toes with 22 little foam pistons doing brain gymnastics. The slip-on version (Mind 001) goes for $95, and the sneaker (Mind 002) hits $145—both dropping January 2026. But the real sci-fi moment is Project Amplify: a powered, motorized shoe system that literally pushes you forward, like an e-bike for your feet. It’s still in testing, but Nike says it makes walking uphill feel like gliding on clouds. Or, more accurately, cheating at cardio. In short: Nike’s not just selling sneakers anymore, they’re selling superpowers.

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Amazon gives its drivers robot vision. Amazon just revealed AI-powered smart glasses for its delivery drivers. The glasses use cameras and AI vision to scan packages, follow walking directions, and show hazards—basically turning drivers into half-human, half-Prime robots. No more checking phones or fumbling with scanners; everything’s now projected straight into their line of sight. Amazon’s testing them across North America, hoping the glasses speed up deliveries. This could mean fewer seconds wasted, more boxes on doorsteps, and one step closer to Bezos’ final form—total automation.

Man lives nine months with a pig kidney. A 67-year-old man from New Hampshire just set a medical milestone: he lived nine months with a genetically engineered pig kidney before doctors removed it last week at Massachusetts General Hospital. That’s the longest anyone’s survived with an animal organ inside them—and yes, science officially just got weirder (and more impressive). Andrews was the fourth person in the world to receive a gene-edited pig kidney, designed to reduce rejection by removing key pig genes and adding human ones. Earlier attempts didn’t last more than a few months, but his kidney held strong for nearly 270 days before showing signs of failure. Doctors removed it on October 23, calling the outcome a “remarkable step forward.” Since then, more transplants have taken place—including one in China and another in the U.S.—as scientists inch closer to the day when organ waitlists might finally disappear. For now, it’s still experimental—but nine months of borrowed time from a pig? That’s historic.

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Stranger Things Is Getting the Hollywood Ending

Netflix is going full blockbuster with its biggest show—Stranger Things is closing out its final season on the big screen. The series finale will hit over 350 theaters across the U.S. and Canada on December 31, syncing perfectly with the Netflix drop. Popcorn, Demogorgons, and New Year’s Eve… it’s a vibe. The Duffer Brothers called it a “dream come true,” and for fans, it’s one last chance to cry in Dolby Surround Sound. Season 5 wraps up the fight against Vecna, the upside-down menace who refuses to die like a proper villain. The show drops in three parts—Volume I on November 26, Volume II on December 25, and the grand finale on New Year’s Eve. Say goodbye to Hawkins with overpriced popcorn and shared trauma.

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LaGuardia wins “best airport” again. LaGuardia—yes, that LaGuardia—was just crowned the best airport in the U.S. for the second year in a row by Forbes Travel Guide. The same place that once smelled like despair and hot pretzels is now apparently a “luxury travel experience.” After an $8 billion glow-up, the airport now boasts spacious gates, shiny architecture, and New York classics like H&H Bagels and Junior’s Cheesecake. Not bad for a spot that used to rank below “bus terminal in a thunderstorm.” If you told someone in 2015 that LaGuardia would win anything other than “most likely to ruin your vacation,” they’d laugh. Now it’s winning global design awards and setting the tone for JFK and Newark’s upcoming facelifts. New York airports: from national embarrassment to national flex.

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TikTok of the day: watch here

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