Good morning. It’s March 27. A Thursday. A totally average, run-of-the-mill, nothing-to-see-here kind of day. But don’t underestimate the power of a “meh” day. Big things happened on Thursdays. Probably. Maybe. Whatever. Today might not seem like much, but it’s one of those background days that quietly stacks up into something big. Like savings accounts. Or emotional baggage.

Anyway, here’s your read for today:

• Paris kicks cars out—500 streets go green

• Finland wins happiness crown for 8th year

• Tiny moon causes chaos in Saturn’s rings

• Wall Street hands out $47.5B in bonuses

• Aman wants $2B for more luxury hotels

• ChatGPT now makes art, not just text

• Own SpaceX stock now—for just $5K

• Italy pays €100K to move to Alps

  and more…

Wall Street stumbled Wednesday, dragged down by tech stocks, as tariff drama ramped up yet again. The S&P 500 dipped 1.12% to 5,712.20, while the Dow lost 132 points (0.31%) to 42,454.79. The Nasdaq took the hardest hit, dropping 2.04% to 17,899.01, with Nvidia sliding nearly 6%. Meta, Amazon, and Alphabet all shed over 2%, while Tesla skidded more than 5%.

Stocks hit rock bottom after the White House teased new auto tariffs at a 4 p.m. press conference. GM and Stellantis both slumped 3%. Despite Trump hinting the tariffs might be “more lenient than reciprocal,” investors weren’t exactly holding their breath. With more levies looming next week, Wall Street’s still feeling queasy.

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Aman Wants $2 Billion to Build More Hotels You Can’t Afford

Aman Group—the high priest of expensive hotels—is back asking for $2 billion to keep the luxury fantasy rolling. Because apparently 23 five-star palaces in progress just aren’t enough. They’re also going all in on Aman Residences: homes for people who want to live like they’re permanently checked into a spa. CEO Vladislav Doronin says they’re “in talks” with various investment funds. The brand’s already been showered with cash. In 2022, Saudi Arabia’s PIF and Cain International tossed them $900 million. In 2023, Mubadala Capital and Alpha Wave Ventures dropped another $360 million. Because if there’s one thing oil money loves, it’s a resort with 24/7 butler service and no commoners in sight.

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Own a piece of SpaceX—for just $5K. Private company investing isn’t just for billionaires anymore. Platforms like EquityZen and Forge Global just dropped their minimum to $5,000, meaning you can now throw your money at buzzy companies like OpenAI, SpaceX, or Kraken without selling a kidney. They’ve teamed up with Yahoo Finance to make things look legit, offering data on 100+ pre-IPO firms. Sounds exciting, but don’t get cute—these are high-risk bets, hard to sell, and easy to regret. Experts say to talk to a financial adviser. 

StubHub goes public. StubHub is finally going public after years of winking at Wall Street and ghosting last minute. 2024 wasn’t exactly a banger—$2.8 million in losses on $1.77 billion revenue. But they flexed $8.7 billion in ticket sales and 40 million tickets moved, so... capitalism says they’re fine. Heavy hitters like Bessemer and Madrone already hold big chunks. CEO Eric Baker’s got skin in the game too. Now they just need retail investors to fall for them harder than a Swiftie with no presale code.

Wall Street hands out $47.5B in bonuses. Wall Street just gave itself a giant raise. Bankers scored a record $47.5 billion in bonuses for 2024. That’s an average of $245K per person—up 31% from last year. It’s the biggest bonus haul since the ‘80s, thanks to banks making more money from trading, deals, and bouncing back from COVID-era slumps.

Italy is paying €100K to move. Italy’s Trentino region wants people back in its stunning Alpine villages, so they’re offering up to €100,000 to anyone willing to move in and fix up an old house. Think ski slopes, vineyards, and hot springs. Very Pinterest-core. You get €80K for renovations and €20K toward the house. But there’s a big fat string attached—you have to live there (or rent it out long-term) for ten years. No Airbnb flippers, no mountain getaways that sit empty. Take the money, stay a decade, or pay it all back.

Musk’s Robot Army Is Coming—No, Seriously

Tesla’s cranking out humanoid robots like it’s prepping for a sci-fi sequel. Elon Musk says production of “Optimus” bots has already started in Fremont, aiming for 10,000–12,000 units by 2025. Even 5,000 would be a win. He’s calling it a “Roman legion,” because of course he is. Musk says this could be Tesla’s biggest product ever—ten times bigger than anything else they’ve built. World-changing or just another Musk moment? Either way, the robot army has officially entered the chat.

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ChatGPT can draw now. ChatGPT isn’t just spitting out poems and code anymore—it’s making art. OpenAI just rolled out a new version that can create detailed, often bizarre images from your wildest prompts. This leap comes from GPT-4o, a new system that fuses text and image generation into one terrifyingly smart brain. Unlike the old days (a.k.a. late 2022) when ChatGPT could only chat and DALL·E handled images, now it’s all one mega-bot. 

Tiny moon makes big waves. Daphnis, one of Saturn’s tiniest moons, is only 5 miles wide—but it’s causing chaos anyway. As it orbits inside the Keeler Gap, its gravity stirs up waves in Saturn’s rings. NASA’s Cassini spacecraft grabbed a photo of the action, and scientists are loving it. Those waves help them learn how the rings and space dust all interact.

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World’s Largest Sailing Yacht Ready to Sail

The Orient Express Corinthian—basically a floating Versailles—is hitting the seas in June 2026. At 722 feet long with three massive masts and enough sails to make Poseidon jealous, it’s less “yacht” and more “ocean flex.” Built by Accor and French shipyard Chantiers de l’Atlantique, this beast comes with 54 luxury cabins, five restaurants (yes, one has a Michelin-starred chef), eight bars, a Parisian cabaret, a spa, a movie theater, and… a recording studio. Because billionaires might want to drop an album between massages.

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Paris says “au revoir” to cars. Parisians just voted to kick cars off another 500 streets. Mayor Anne Hidalgo, on her farewell tour, is doubling down on her “green city, no parking” vision. They’ll also rip out 10% of the city’s parking spots and spend about half a mil per street to make them cute and walkable. Each neighborhood gets 5 to 8 new pedestrian zones. Locals get to vote on which ones.

Finland still winning at happiness. For the eighth year straight, Finland has been crowned the world’s happiest country, according to the 2025 World Happiness Report. That’s right—eight years of beating the rest of us at joy, balance, and sauna etiquette. The report surveyed 100,000+ people across 140 countries, measuring things like trust, support, and general vibes. Finland scored high for solid social policies, clean air, and the comforting knowledge that life won’t totally fall apart on a Tuesday.

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TikTok of the day: watch here

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