Good morning.

It’s Thursday, October 9. The air’s crisp, the sweaters are out, and New York finally smells less like hot garbage and more like ambition mixed with cinnamon.

Today, John Lennon would’ve turned 72. The man who told us to “imagine all the people” never got the chance to grow old with Yoko, but his songs still do what they always did—make the world a little softer, a little louder, and a lot more human. Music, art, poetry, peace, love—his legacy aged better than most people’s opinions on The Beatles’ breakup.

We hope today’s edition does the same—brightens your morning, sparks a thought, maybe earns a smirk. As always, we love hearing from you—your feedback keeps us from turning into robots. Now grab your coffee, get comfy, and let’s make your Thursday a little more interesting.

Today’s stories:

• Museum sleepovers return—cue pajamas and dinosaurs

• Aman launches yacht for ultra-luxury floatation therapy

• Google’s AI now browses, clicks, and procrastinates

• Ozempic-style pills promise needle-free weight loss

• Coffee prices soar, caffeine loyalty stays unshaken

• Nobel trio found immune system’s peacekeepers

• Amazon turns meds into instant Prime pickups

• One man now runs taxes and retirement

• Cheaper Teslas drop, joy sold separately

• Gold hits record as panic sparkles bright
  

  and more…

U.S. stock futures edged higher Wednesday night after the S&P 500 hit another record close. Futures on the benchmark index rose about 0.2%, while Nasdaq 100 futures gained slightly more than that. Dow Jones Industrial Average futures added around 60 points, or 0.1%.

The S&P 500 has now logged gains in eight of the past nine sessions, with the tech-heavy Nasdaq climbing over 1% to break above 23,000 for the first time ever. The Dow lagged, ending just below flat, but Nvidia’s 2% jump helped cap losses after CEO Jensen Huang told CNBC that computing demand has “gone up substantially” this year.

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IRS Gets a New Boss — Who Already Has a Full-Time Job

The Treasury just handed the IRS to Frank Bisignano, who, fun fact, is already running the Social Security Administration. Because who needs sleep when you can manage two of America’s most broken systems at once? Experts are calling the move “unusual” and “not stable”—which, honestly, describes most people during tax season. The IRS has already burned through six commissioners since January, lost nearly 20% of key staff, and is now prepping for Trump’s shiny new tax law to kick in next year. Bisignano will now juggle Social Security checks and your tax refund delays—multitasking at its finest.

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Tesla’s “affordable” cars still not that affordable. Tesla dropped cheaper versions of the Model Y and Model 3—$39,990 and $36,990, respectively—but fans were quick to ask, “Cheaper for who?” The “Standard” trims come with fewer bells and whistles (no Autosteer, no rear screens, no LED lightbar—aka, no fun). Even die-hard Tesla bros are unimpressed. The company’s stock dipped 4%, and analysts called the move more “price spin” than innovation. Deliveries start late 2025, just in time for your midlife crisis.

Investors panic-buy shiny rocks again. Gold just smashed through the $4,000 mark for the first time ever, proving once again that when everything feels unstable, people run to shiny rocks. It’s up 54% this year—outperforming stocks, Bitcoin, and your savings account (obviously). Traders are betting on rate cuts, global drama, and central banks panic-buying like it’s Costco on apocalypse weekend. Even silver’s trying to keep up, hitting $48 and gasping for air near its all-time high. Some analysts think gold could hit $5,000 next year—because when in doubt, print money and panic-buy metal.

America runs on rage and espresso. Coffee drinkers are furious. Prices for roasted coffee are up 22% this year, more than any other grocery item. Even Folgers costs nearly $20 now, and TikTok is full of caffeine-fueled rants. But no one’s putting the mug down—caffeine is the last line of defense between functioning and total collapse. Bad weather in coffee-growing countries and Trump-era tariffs are to blame. Lawmakers are trying to remove the tariffs, calling it a modern-day tea tax. Still, the $10 latte survives. Americans spent $12.7 billion on packaged coffee this year, up from $12 billion last year. People are cutting corners everywhere but here. Coffee isn’t a luxury—it’s oxygen with foam.

Amazon puts prescription drugs in vending machines. Amazon’s latest move in healthcare looks straight out of a sci-fi movie: prescription drug vending machines. Starting in December, One Medical clinics in Los Angeles will feature Amazon Pharmacy kiosks where patients can grab their meds right after seeing a doctor—no CVS line, no awkward small talk. The machines will stock common meds like antibiotics, inhalers, and blood pressure pills, all verified by Amazon pharmacists. No opioids or refrigerated drugs, though—just the basics for your post-appointment fix. Patients can scan a QR code on the Amazon app and walk out with their prescription in minutes. Amazon plans to expand the program nationwide after L.A., betting that people want their meds as fast as their Prime deliveries.

New Weight-Loss Pills Could Replace Injections

Good news for anyone tired of jabbing themselves to lose weight. Two new oral GLP-1 drugs—yes, actual pills—are showing strong results for people with obesity, according to new studies in the New England Journal of Medicine. These medications work like Ozempic and Wegovy, curbing hunger and slowing digestion, but without needles or refrigeration. One pill, a high-dose version of Rybelsus by Novo Nordisk, helped people lose nearly 14% of their body weight in 64 weeks. The other, orforglipron from Eli Lilly, led to about 11% weight loss over 72 weeks. Both are taken daily and showed similar side effects to the injectables—mostly nausea, vomiting, and some digestive drama that fades over time.

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These scientists figured out how to stop the body from attacking itself. Mary Brunkow, Fred Ramsdell, and Shimon Sakaguchi won the Nobel Prize in Medicine for figuring out how the immune system knows not to destroy its own body. Sakaguchi discovered special “regulatory T cells” that tell the immune system to calm down. Brunkow and Ramsdell later found the gene behind them, called FOXP3—the key that keeps our immune system balanced. Their work explains autoimmune diseases, helps cancer treatments, and may make organ transplants safer. In short, they found the body’s peacekeepers—and medicine changed forever. The three will share about $1.17 million for keeping our immune systems from going full chaos mode.

Google’s new AI can now use the web like a human. Google just unveiled Gemini 2.5 Computer Use, an AI model that can actually navigate the web through a browser—clicking, typing, and dragging things around like a mildly competent intern. The model reads on-screen text, understands visuals, and carries out tasks like filling forms or adding items to a cart. Basically, it’s your new digital assistant that doesn’t complain about lunch breaks. It’s meant for developers who want AI to handle sites without APIs, though right now it only supports 13 actions—so don’t expect it to file your taxes yet. Google says it’s faster and smarter than rivals from OpenAI and Anthropic, though it’s limited to browser use, not full computer control. A demo shows it casually browsing Hacker News or playing the game 2048, proving we’re now training AI to procrastinate exactly like humans.

The Aman Yacht Sets Sail in 2027—Bring Your Net Worth

Aman—the brand that already makes hotels feel like temples—is building a 600-foot “floating sanctuary” called Amangati. Translation: a cruise ship for people who hate cruise ships. Set to sail in 2027, it’ll have only 47 suites, each with floor-to-ceiling windows, balconies bigger than NYC apartments, and enough silence to make billionaires hear their own thoughts. There’ll be four restaurants, a jazz club, an Aman spa, and a beach club that drops you straight into the sea—because ladders are for peasants. The ship even runs partly on battery power, so you can feel eco-virtuous while sipping champagne off the coast of Capri. Starting 2027, the rich won’t just vacation—they’ll float.

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NYC’s coolest sleepover is back from extinction. After a five-year break, the American Museum of Natural History is finally bringing back its legendary A Night at the Museum sleepovers. The last one happened in February 2020—aka the calm before the global chaos—but the wait is over. Kids (and brave parents) can now camp out under the Blue Whale or flashlight their way past a T. rex like it’s no big deal. Designed for ages 6 to 12, the overnight adventure turns the museum into a giant after-hours playground: trivia games, scavenger hunts, karaoke, and yes, flashlight tours through the fossil halls. Families can wander through exhibits long after everyone else has gone home, pretending they’re living inside the movie.

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TikTok of the day: watch here

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