Good morning.

It’s Tuesday, September 9. On this day back in 1850, California snuck its way into becoming the 31st state. Mexico had just handed it over in the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, thinking it was just dusty little mission towns with a few thousand people. Joke’s on them: gold had been discovered nine days before the treaty. Suddenly, everyone with a shovel and a dream was racing west, hoping to trip over nuggets the size of fists. California’s population (and egos) skyrocketed from there, and frankly, it hasn’t calmed down since.

And here we are today, also in a gold rush—except the treasure is overpriced oat milk lattes and a seat on the subway that doesn’t smell like regret. Meanwhile, back-to-school season is in full swing. Parents are rejoicing, kids are plotting their escape, and teachers are praying for patience.

So grab your caffeine, pretend your inbox isn’t screaming at you, and mine something shiny out of today’s read.

Today’s stories:

• Porsche Cayenne EV debuts wireless charging

• Musk’s $900B bonus could mint a trillionaire

• Instagram finally launches a real iPad app

• Gold surges past $3,600 on dollar doubts

• New homes now cheaper than old ones

• Alcaraz, Sabalenka win US Open titles

• White Lotus season 4 heads to France

• Uber plans high-speed trains by 2029

• OpenAI plots LinkedIn rival for AI jobs

• Porsche 911 Turbo S goes hybrid

  and more…

The Nasdaq notched a fresh record Monday, climbing 0.45% to close at 21,798.70 as Wall Street kicked off a data-packed week that will deliver two key inflation reports. The S&P 500 added 0.21% to finish at 6,495.15, while the Dow rose 114 points, or 0.25%, to 45,514.95.

Chipmakers fueled the rally: Broadcom jumped 3% and Nvidia gained nearly 1%, clawing back some of last month’s steep declines. Big Tech also lent support, with Amazon and Microsoft closing higher.

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Musk’s Bonus Package Is Basically a Country’s GDP

Tesla’s board wants to pay Elon Musk so much money he could become Earth’s first trillionaire. The plan: if he turns Tesla from a $1.1T car company into an $8.5T empire (bigger than Microsoft, Google, and Meta combined), he’ll pocket nearly $900B in pay. Oh, and he’s supposed to crank out a million robotaxis and a million humanoid robots while he’s at it. Shareholders still have to approve, but let’s be real—this is less about cars and more about Elon’s cosplay as Iron Man with a bank account.

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Gold hits record high, because who trusts the dollar anymore. Gold blew past $3,600 an ounce, hitting a record $3,646 as weak U.S. jobs data locked in bets on Fed rate cuts. Spot gold climbed 1.5% to $3,639, futures hit $3,680, and analysts now see $3,700 on the horizon. The metal is up 38% this year after last year’s 27% surge, fueled by dollar weakness, central banks hoarding, and global jitters. China just logged its 10th straight month of gold buying. Silver also spiked to $41, its highest since 2011, with platinum and palladium tagging along. Precious metals are running the show while the dollar sulks.

Uber promises trains by 2029. Uber is teaming up with Gemini Trains to launch “Uber Trains” by 2029—because apparently cars, bikes, and helicopters weren’t enough. The plan: zip between London, Paris, Brussels, and Lille up to 10 times a day, dodging Eurostar’s monopoly. The reality check: Uber has no trains, manufacturers are booked solid, and financing is shaky. What it does have is an app. Soon you’ll be able to buy a Paris train ticket right next to your late-night McNuggets delivery. 

Housing market officially upside down. For the first time in decades, new houses are cheaper than old ones. In June, the median new-home price was $407K—about $28K less than existing homes, a 6.5% gap, the biggest in at least 25 years. July narrowed the gap to $19K, but that still makes it the fourth month in a row new builds sold at a discount. Builders are cutting prices, shrinking floor plans, and throwing in perks like lower mortgage rates or cash at closing. Meanwhile, resale prices keep climbing to record highs because homeowners would rather sit on their 3% mortgages than sell. Bottom line: America’s housing market is so broken that brand-new homes are now the bargain bin.

OpenAI wants to eat LinkedIn’s lunch. OpenAI is rolling out an AI-first jobs platform by 2026, aiming to hook up AI talent with companies desperate to hire them. Think LinkedIn, but with fewer humblebrag posts and more prompt engineers listing “ChatGPT whisperer” on their résumés. The platform will match candidates to roles in automation and AI, backed by certifications from OpenAI’s own Academy. Microsoft, which poured $13B into OpenAI, might be thrilled to see its protégé building a direct competitor to LinkedIn. Or maybe not. Either way, the AI résumé-padding industry just leveled up.

Hybrid Tech Hits the 911 Turbo S

The 2026 Porsche 911 Turbo S is here, now with a hybrid system and 701 horsepower. It rockets from 0–60 in 2.4 seconds, fast enough to snap necks and bank accounts. Top speed is 200 mph—five less than before—but Porsche swears it’s quicker, thanks to Nürburgring laps proving it shaved 14 seconds off the old model. The downside: weight gain. The hybrid guts add 180 pounds, though Porsche insists it still feels nimble. Price starts at $272,650 for the coupe and $286,650 for the cabriolet, before tariffs and the endless list of options. 

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Instagram finally remembers the iPad exists. After 15 years of ignoring iPad users, Instagram is finally dropping a dedicated app. Starting September 3, iPad owners can download it and bask in Meta’s generosity. It opens straight to Reels, because nothing says “photo app” like shoving TikTok knockoffs in your face. Stories, feeds, and even a chronological option are still there, buried behind tabs. Basically, it’s Instagram, but stretched out and rebranded as a giant TikTok machine. Took them a decade and a half to ship it.

Cayenne Electric charges itself (sort of). Porsche just announced the Cayenne Electric with wireless charging—because plugging in is apparently beneath luxury drivers. Rolling out in late 2025, the SUV will juice up just by parking over a 110-pound floor plate, no cables needed. It pumps 11 kW at 90% efficiency, basically the same as wired charging, minus the “oops I forgot to plug it in” panic. Translation: it’s a giant iPhone charger for your six-figure SUV.

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The US Open: Titles, Tantrums, and Tennis Balls

The 2025 US Open ended the only way it could: with two familiar names holding trophies and everyone else nursing bruised egos. Carlos Alcaraz powered through Jannik Sinner in four sets, their third Grand Slam final this year, making their rivalry the most binge-worthy drama in men’s tennis. The win puts Alcaraz back at world No. 1, just in case anyone forgot who runs the court.

On the women’s side, Aryna Sabalenka defended her title, beating Amanda Anisimova in straight sets. Then she strolled into her press conference in ski goggles, a silver jacket, and clutching champagne like it was her doubles partner. Forget “game, set, match”—this was “game, set, vibe.”

Elsewhere, chaos was everywhere, because the US Open is as much spectacle as sport. Taylor Townsend nearly pulled off a miracle against Barbora Krejčíková, who saved eight match points before finally folding. Kids wielding giant tennis balls became the tournament’s unofficial villains, charging courtside like tiny Roman emperors delivering thumbs-downs. Krejčíková literally stared into a wall of yellow fuzz while serving for her tournament life and basically muttered: “F— them kids.” Doubles upsets blew up the USTA’s fantasy brackets, and Alexander Bublik’s five-set win over Tommy Paul reminded everyone that early rounds can be just as wild as finals.

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White Lotus packs its bags for France. Season 4 of HBO’s The White Lotus is reportedly heading to France. Translation: a new batch of miserable rich people will be fighting, cheating, and sipping overpriced cocktails with an Eiffel Tower view. Nothing’s confirmed, but the smart money is on yet another Four Seasons. Options include the Grand-Hôtel du Cap-Ferrat on the Riviera, the George V in Paris, or maybe even the Megève property in the Alps—though the show’s creator has already said he’s not into cold weather. Expect more dramatic deaths against a backdrop of champagne-soaked luxury, whether it’s by the sea, in the city, or on a ski slope.

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TikTok of the day: watch here

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