Good morning.

It’s Thursday, October 30. Halloween is tomorrow—aka the one day adults get to cosplay as their alter egos without anyone calling it a midlife crisis.

Fun fact: Halloween started as an ancient Celtic festival where people lit bonfires and wore costumes to ward off ghosts. Now we just light overpriced candles and ward off hangovers. Americans will spend over $13 billion this year on costumes, candy, and yard skeletons taller than their mortgages. 

So here’s to candy corn for breakfast, ghosts of exes in your DMs, and pretending your black outfit is “a costume.” 

Today’s stories:

• Grammarly rebrands, becomes your AI-powered life coach

• Samsung teases trifold phone nobody can touch

• Bats glow neon green and nobody knows why

• NYC cinema swaps popcorn for private chefs

• De Niro builds luxury villas fit for billionaires

• $657K rocket flights aim to replace planes

• Whales’ DNA repair trick could slow aging

• Groom sells tux ad space, funds wedding

• Manhattan condos turn from flex to flop

• ChatGPT can now buy things for you

• Nvidia crowns itself king of AI hype

  and more…

Stock futures slipped Wednesday night as Wall Street digested Big Tech earnings and the Fed’s latest rate call.

Dow futures dipped about 30 points, S&P 500 futures edged down 0.1%, and Nasdaq 100 futures fell 0.2%. The post-market mood? A little hungover from tech earnings.

Alphabet surged 6% after strong results, but Meta and Microsoft dragged sentiment down—dropping 8% and 4%, respectively. Meta blamed a $15.9 billion one-time hit on Trump’s new One Big Beautiful Bill Act (yes, that’s the real name), which it says will keep squeezing taxes ahead. Microsoft, meanwhile, spooked investors by revealing its OpenAI stake shaved $3.1 billion off quarterly earnings.

Earlier in the day, the Dow flirted with record highs before closing down 74 points. The S&P stayed flat, the Nasdaq eked out a 0.6% gain, and everyone went home wondering if the AI boom’s finally starting to bite back.

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PayPal Becomes ChatGPT’s Wallet

PayPal just signed a deal with OpenAI to become the first digital wallet inside ChatGPT, turning your favorite chatbot into a personal shopper that can actually check out for you. Starting next year, users will be able to hit “Buy with PayPal” directly in ChatGPT. Merchants in PayPal’s network will also get their products listed, meaning ChatGPT can now recommend, sell, and charge you in one smooth move. PayPal’s CEO called it “a new paradigm for shopping,” which sounds cooler than “we’re about to make buying stuff dangerously easy.”

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Nvidia hits $5 trillion. Nvidia just became the first company to hit a $5 trillion valuation, proving there’s no ceiling when hype meets hardware. The stock jumped 4% Wednesday, fueled by the AI obsession that turned a gaming chip company into a global money printer. CEO Jensen Huang expects $500 billion in chip orders and is building seven new supercomputers for the U.S. government. Nvidia also dropped $1 billion on Nokia to work on 6G, because world domination apparently requires faster Wi-Fi. Apple and Microsoft trail behind at a mere $4 trillion each, still clapping from the sidelines. Analysts call it the start of a new tech era. Everyone else just sees the world’s shiniest bubble getting ready to float higher.

The man who got married in a sponsored tux. A man just turned his wedding tux into a walking billboard—and it actually paid off. Salesman Dagobert Renouf sold ad space on his suit to help fund his wedding, landing 26 startup sponsors and pulling in $10,000. After taxes and tailoring, he covered the cost of the suit and still had $2,000 left over. His bride, notably, kept her dress ad-free—because even love has branding limits. The internet quickly crowned him a genius, proving that romance may be dead, but marketing is very much alive.

Tokyo to New York in an hour—if you have $657K. A Japanese travel agency wants to turn long-haul flights into quick space hops. Nippon Travel Agency announced plans for a rocket service that could shoot passengers from Tokyo to New York in one hour—for about $657,000 round trip. The company’s teaming up with a startup that builds reusable rockets, planning to launch from offshore sites sometime in the 2030s. If all goes well, orbital stays will follow in the 2040s. Until then, the rest of us will keep crying into our airline peanuts while billionaires book their one-hour space commutes.

One in three Manhattan condo owners sold at a loss this year. Owning a Manhattan condo isn’t the flex it used to be. According to a new report from Brown Harris Stevens, one in three condos sold in the past year went for less than what the owner originally paid. After factoring in inflation, renovations, and broker fees, the real number of losing sellers is likely even higher. Despite constant headlines about record-breaking penthouses and billionaires buying skyline views, the median price per square foot in Manhattan hasn’t moved much in ten years. The city’s real estate market has been treading water while the rest of the country saw post-pandemic price explosions. Nationally, only 2% of homeowners are selling at a loss. In Manhattan? Try 33%. The winners are those who bought before 2010, sitting on gains up to 45%. Everyone else is stuck in the wrong sequel to The Wolf of Wall Street. Prices peaked around 2016, and half of those who bought after that are now selling at a loss. Even with the median condo price still at a jaw-dropping $1.2 million, it’s less “investment property” and more “expensive mistake with a view.”

Samsung Shows Off Its Trifold

Samsung just put its long-rumored trifold phone on display at the APEC summit in Korea—inside a glass box, like a museum piece. Nobody’s allowed to touch it, fold it, or even breathe near it. The company says it plans to release the device this year, but for now, it’s more art installation than product. The phone folds in a “G” shape, not like Huawei’s accordion-style Mate XT, because apparently every foldable needs a folding personality. Samsung still won’t confirm if this is the final version or just another round of R&D show-and-tell.

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Meanwhile in nature: bats start raving. Some U.S. bats literally glow green under UV light—and scientists have no clue why. Researchers at the University of Georgia checked six bat species and found every single one lit up like a rave decoration. The glow always comes from the same body parts—wings and legs—and it’s always the same eerie shade of green. No one knows what it’s for, but experts think it’s a leftover party trick from bat evolution. Basically: bats used to glow for a reason, now they just do it for vibes.

From grammar nerd to AI titan: Grammarly rebrands as Superhuman. Grammarly just pulled a reverse acquisition move—it bought the email app Superhuman and then decided to rename itself after it. The company behind those passive-aggressive grammar pop-ups is now officially called Superhuman. The name fits, given how much caffeine most of us need to hit “send” without regret. The rebrand comes with a shiny new AI assistant, Superhuman Go, built into the existing Grammarly extension. It can edit, summarize, schedule meetings, log tickets in Jira, and probably judge your email tone in 0.2 seconds flat. Users can link it to Gmail, Google Drive, Calendar, and other apps so it can “assist” more deeply—meaning it now knows more about your life than your therapist. Subscriptions start at $12/month for individuals and $33 for businesses. The grammar police have officially evolved into full-blown productivity cyborgs.

Whales might hold the secret to aging. Bowhead whales live for over 200 years, barely get cancer, and somehow keep their DNA cleaner than most humans’ browsers. Scientists at the University of Rochester think they’ve cracked part of the code: these Arctic giants are masters at repairing broken DNA, a key factor in aging. The trick seems to come from a protein called CIRBP, which the whales produce 100 times more of than humans—thanks to their icy habitat. CIRBP helps cells patch up DNA breaks instead of letting mutations pile up, effectively keeping the whales biologically “younger” for centuries. Researchers boosted CIRBP in human cells and saw repair rates double. When they did the same in flies, the bugs lived longer and shrugged off radiation. Next up: mice. And maybe one day, us. Until then, cold plungers everywhere are quietly fist-pumping.

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Robert De Niro’s $12 Million Nobu Villas Hit the Market

Robert De Niro’s next act isn’t another mob movie—it’s a luxury real estate empire. The actor’s Nobu-branded private residences in Barbuda are officially for sale, starting at a casual $12 million. The 391-acre development sits on what used to be Princess Diana’s favorite getaway, now reborn as The Beach Club, Barbuda—a place where De Niro and his billionaire friends will literally own the view. Each villa comes with pink-and-white sand, Nobu service, and the kind of minimalist design that whispers “rich.” Buyers can customize their homes with gyms, offices, or bunk rooms for guests rich enough to visit. Owners also get access to a private clubhouse, restaurant, pool, and live music. De Niro co-owns the project with Australian billionaire James Packer and hotel mogul Daniel Shamoon. In other words, it’s less The Godfather and more The Godfather of Luxury.

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The most extra movie night in NYC has arrived. Popcorn is out. Truffle risotto is in. Metro Cinema, the newest brainchild of Alamo Drafthouse founder Tim League, opens today in Chelsea—and it’s redefining “movie night.” Instead of sitting next to strangers who text through the plot, you get a private suite with your own massive screen, recliners, surround sound, and a personal chef. Each room fits 4 to 20 people and comes with film-themed menus—think Wicked with green cocktails, Planes, Trains and Automobiles with Thanksgiving dinner, or A Christmas Story with roast duck. It’s part movie, part dinner party, part “this definitely costs more than AMC.” There’s also a cocktail bar called “The Bar With No Name,” because of course there is. Martini happy hour runs 4–6 p.m., perfect for pretending you’re discussing cinema instead of your latest situationship.

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TikTok of the day: watch here

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