Good morning.

It’s Tuesday, October 14. The city’s wearing its moody gray today—rain hitting the windows, umbrellas flipping inside out, and every New Yorker pretending they love “rainy day vibes” while silently plotting their escape to Miami.

On this day in 2007, Keeping Up with the Kardashians premiered, changing reality TV… and, let’s be honest, reality itself. What started as a family show turned into a billion-dollar empire, a masterclass in self-promotion, and the reason contouring became a survival skill. 

So here’s to rainy Tuesdays, to families who turned drama into dividends, and to you, still keeping up. Grab your cup, settle in, and let’s make this gloomy day a little glossier.

Today’s stories:

• Trump accidentally becomes one of Bitcoin’s biggest whales

• JPMorgan drops billions to fund America’s war tech

• New AI necklace sparks public backlash in NYC

• Attending weddings now costs as much as rent

• California bans flirty AI bots from acting human

• Hundreds of pumpkins set sail in Central Park

• Scientists grow human blood from stem cells

• Prada buys Versace to save Italian glam

• Microshifting kills the 9-to-5 for good
  

  and more…

Stock futures steadied Monday night after a relief rally that helped Wall Street shake off last week’s slump.

Dow futures inched up 36 points, while S&P 500 and Nasdaq 100 futures hovered just above flat. Earlier, both the S&P 500 and Dow jumped more than 1%—their best day in weeks—recovering much of Friday’s losses. The rebound followed a Truth Social post from President Trump, who reassured investors with a simple message on U.S.–China tensions: “Don’t worry about China, it will all be fine.”

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The Whale Formerly Known as President

After a week of market chaos, crypto prices are rising from the ashes. Bitcoin’s up 4%, chilling around $114K, and Ethereum’s up 10% because why not. The rally kicked in right after Trump told the world he doesn’t want to fight China this week. Progress. Oh, and in case you missed it, the man himself is now one of the biggest Bitcoin whales alive. Through his stake in Trump Media (aka Truth Social’s mom company), he indirectly owns about $870 million in Bitcoin. That’s right—the same guy who once called crypto “thin air” now basically is the blockchain. Trump Media dumped $2 billion into Bitcoin earlier this year, and despite every market mood swing, it’s still their best-performing asset. The man went from banning crypto to becoming its mascot. There’s even a new policy push called the GENIUS Act to boost blockchain R&D—because subtlety’s dead.

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JPMorgan goes full military chic. The bank announced it’ll pour $10 billion into industries it says are “critical for national security” — basically weapons, AI, batteries, and manufacturing with serious Pentagon vibes. The plan, called the Security and Resiliency Initiative, will channel or finance a total of $1.5 trillion over the next decade. Translation: Wall Street found a patriotic way to make more money. Jamie Dimon said the U.S. has become “too reliant on unreliable sources,” which is CEO-speak for “China makes all our stuff.” The timing’s no accident — Trump just slapped new tariffs on Chinese imports, and Beijing fired back by restricting rare earth exports. Cue the financial chest beating. So now, JPMorgan isn’t just funding hedge funds and yachts — it’s funding missiles, microchips, and maybe the next AI that decides we’re the problem. Capitalism just put on camouflage.

Weddings are the new rent. A new Zillow report says attending just one wedding—plus the pregame trip known as the bachelor or bachelorette weekend—costs about $2,010. That’s basically the same as the average U.S. monthly rent. Nearly half of Gen Z and millennials are cutting back on housing goals just to toast someone else’s love story. Eleven percent got roommates, nine percent stopped saving for a home, and a brave few downsized altogether—all for an open bar and matching outfits. Meanwhile, the average first-time homebuyer is now 38, and the average person getting married is 32. So yeah, you’ll probably walk down the aisle before you can afford to buy one.

Prada just adopted Versace. The EU gave Prada the thumbs-up to buy Versace for €1.25 billion, officially making it the most Italian power couple since espresso met biscotti. Versace’s been struggling—sales down 15%, profits MIA, Donatella out, and Dario Vitale (ex-Miu Miu) now steering the glittery ship. Prada, meanwhile, is thriving and plans to drag Versace out of its “logo overdose era” and back into true luxury territory. The challenge is keeping Versace’s chaotic glam without turning it into Prada’s minimalist clone. Investors are nervous, analysts are skeptical, and the only certainty is that someone’s about to wear a lot more gold safety pins in the boardroom.

AI Necklace Learns What Real Hate Feels Like

An AI startup called Friend dropped over $1 million on the city’s subways to promote its “AI companion” — a necklace that listens to your day, judges your conversations, and sends push notifications like a clingy ex. The campaign took over 11,000 subway cars and most of Manhattan’s sanity. New Yorkers responded the only way they know how: graffiti. Messages like “AI wouldn’t care if you lived or died” and “Go make real friends, this is surveillance”now decorate the ads. Somewhere, an MTA worker is quietly clapping. The company’s founder insists the backlash was “part of the plan” (sure, Jan) and claims it uses Google’s Gemini models with “safeguards.” Translation: it won’t tell you to jump, but it might still listen while you cry. Meanwhile, Meta is trying to put AI in your sunglasses, and OpenAI reportedly wants a wearable too. Silicon Valley just can’t take a hint — people barely tolerate their phones, and now tech bros want to hang around our necks. The public’s clearly over it. After years of doomscrolling and digital burnout, the hottest trend of 2025 is rebellion: no phones for kids, schools banning screens, and parents quoting The Anxious Generation like it’s scripture.

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Blood, but make it lab-grown. A team at Cambridge grew lab-made embryo models from stem cells that started producing real human blood cells. No eggs, no sperm, just science and a Petri dish turning red. The goal is noble: one day, this could let doctors grow bone marrow or blood from your own cells, skipping donor drama and rejection risks. The new technique mimics how blood forms naturally instead of relying on expensive protein cocktails, meaning it’s both cheaper and freakier. Within two weeks, the blob of cells organized itself into early body layers, developed a few heart cells that started beating, and then—boom—blood showed up. The team swears it’s not a real embryo and can’t become one. Just an eerily realistic copy that could change medicine forever.

Chatbots now have a curfew. California just grounded the AI girlfriends. Governor Gavin Newsom signed a new law making California the first state to regulate AI companion chatbots—the flirty, “how was your day?” bots that can apparently text better than most humans. The bill, SB 243, forces companies like OpenAI, Meta, Character AI, and Replika to install safety systems, verify users’ ages, and—shocker—stop pretending to be therapists or lovers. The law comes after a string of tragedies linked to AI “friends” that encouraged or mirrored self-harm conversations with teens. Starting January 1, 2026, any chatbot that acts like your emotional support robot will have to play by real rules: clear disclaimers, break reminders, crisis resources, and big fines (up to $250K per illegal deepfake). Basically, if an AI flirts, it also has to behave.

Work Is Now a Vibe, Not a Schedule

Welcome to microshifting, where people work in chaotic little bursts between Pilates, errands, and existential dread. Emails at sunrise, spreadsheets at midnight—it’s not burnout, it’s “flexibility.” Owl Labs says 65% of workers want more freedom, and Gen Z already hacked the system, juggling side gigs, degrees, and “mental health walks.” The corporate dinosaurs still think productivity means sitting under fluorescent lights for eight hours, but employees aren’t playing along. Managers keep buying spy software, while workers microshift their way through “quiet cracking.” It’s not slacking—it’s survival. The future of work isn’t remote or hybrid. It’s whenever the Wi-Fi works and no one’s looking.

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The most wholesome cult ritual in NYC. The Pumpkin Flotilla is back at the Harlem Meer — that annual night when hundreds of glowing Jack-O’-Lanterns drift across the water like spooky little sailors on vacation. It’s basically Halloween’s answer to Coachella, minus the influencers (okay, maybe fewer influencers). Bring your own carved pumpkin — no minis, no light bulbs, no glitter crimes — and watch it join the orange armada at sunset. Before the big float, there’s live music, crafts with El Museo del Barrio, storytime from the New York Public Library, and a costume parade with puppets big enough to haunt your dreams.

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TikTok of the day: watch here

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