Good morning.

It’s Tuesday, July 28 — the last Tuesday of July. August is lurking around the corner with back-to-school energy we don’t need.

On this day in 2005, scientists thought they found the 10th planet. Meet Eris. She looked legit — round, icy, doing her little orbit around the Sun. But nope. She didn’t clear her lane. Too many space rocks hanging around. So the space nerds kicked her out of the planet club, called her a “dwarf,” and redefined what it even means to be a planet. Pluto got dragged too.

Summer’s not dead yet, but it’s definitely limping. Sunscreen expired, your AC is crying, and your to-do list gave up weeks ago.

Thanks for reading, thanks for the feedback, and thanks for pretending this newsletter counts as productivity. Enjoy the scroll.

Today’s stories:

• Coldplay scandal company hires Gwyneth Paltrow

• Swipe, stack sats: Coinbase drops bitcoin card

• Alice Walton opens spa-inspired med school

• Google releases free, doctor-level X-ray AI

• Apple’s new plan: bundle, overpay, repeat

• Vogue ad stars AI model, backlash erupts

• New game: survive the Titanic, somehow

• Tesla bails out Samsung’s idle chip plant

• Harry Styles drops pastel pleasure tools

• Scientists: fast space rock could be spy

• AI turns snake venom into antibiotics

• New NYC tower comes with drop ride

  and more…

The S&P 500 barely budged Monday, adding just 0.02% despite an early record high and news of a U.S.–EU trade deal that failed to excite. The Dow dipped 64 points while the Nasdaq rose 0.33% and notched a fresh record.

Markets are holding their breath ahead of a packed week: the Fed’s rate decision, Friday’s jobs report, and over 150 S&P 500 earnings — including Meta, Microsoft, Apple, and Amazon. Investors are watching closely for any AI spending signals to justify this year’s hyperscaler hype.

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Coinbase Drops Bitcoin Rewards Amex Card

Starting this fall, Coinbase is dropping a shiny new credit card that gives you up to 4% back in bitcoin every time you swipe. It’s called the Coinbase One Card, and it basically turns your daily spending into a crypto reward loop. Everyone starts at 2%. Stack enough assets on Coinbase and you might hit 4%. It’s like airline miles for people who never leave the basement. The card is metal, runs on the AmEx network, and comes engraved with a quote from Bitcoin’s origin story — because that’s exactly what your wallet was missing. But here’s the catch: it’s only for Coinbase One members. That subscription starts at $4.99/month or $49.99/year.

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Samsung lands $16.5B from Musk. Tesla just handed Samsung a $16.5 billion chip deal, tossing a lifeline to the struggling Korean tech giant and its ghost-town Texas chip plant. The chips will go into Tesla’s next-gen AI6 hardware — assuming the whole thing doesn’t get delayed into oblivion again. Samsung’s shiny new fab in Taylor, Texas was bleeding money and had zero major customers until now. Musk stepped in like a tech bro messiah, promising to personally “walk the line” and whip the factory into shape. Samsung stock exploded nearly 7%. Tesla got a smaller bump. Musk, as always, got the spotlight. He says $16.5B is “just the bare minimum,” meaning he’s either planning something huge or just vibing with the press cycle. Analysts say the deal won’t fix Samsung’s AI chip problem overnight, but it finally gives that empty factory something to do. 

America’s richest woman tries to fix health care. Alice Walton, Walmart heir and Earth’s richest woman, has opened a medical school in Arkansas — and it’s not your average lecture hall-and-lab setup. It’s called AWSOM (yes, really), and it comes with glass walls, healing gardens, a reflection pond, and a direct path to her art museum. The school just welcomed its first 48 students, all guinea pigs for a whole-health curriculum that trades symptom-chasing for yoga-adjacent vibes and preventative care. The goal is to create doctors who care about your stress levels, not just your blood work. Walton is footing the bill for the first five graduating classes. In return, she hopes they’ll fix Arkansas’ health crisis — or at least try. The state ranks near dead last in health outcomes, maternal deaths, and teen births. The current system is broken, and she’s done waiting for someone else to fix it. The school teaches medicine, sure, but also bakes in art, observation, empathy, and tech like AI and wearables. It’s part science, part spa, part social experiment. And if it works, Walton wants this model cloned across the country.

Harry Styles launches sex toys. Harry Styles just dropped a line of sex toys under his beauty brand, Pleasing. The vibe is soft, pastel, and horny. The brand says it’s all part of Harry’s “radical pursuit of that which feels good.” Which is a fancy way of saying he’s selling orgasms now. There are oils, accessories, and vibes — both literal and aesthetic. It’s giving self-care, pop star, and sex-positive Tumblr nostalgia all rolled into one overpriced silicone loop.

Vogue’s Latest Model Doesn’t Breathe, Blink, or Exist

Vogue’s August issue features a Guess ad with a blonde model doing model things — drinking coffee, wearing florals, looking flawless. Only problem is she’s not real. She’s an AI creation named Seraphinne Vallora, cooked up by a company trying to replace humans with pixels. The startup behind her brags about cutting costs and skipping the hassle of real models. No travel, no meals, no opinions. Just a few people clicking buttons for a six-figure fee. The fashion world is not amused. Real models called it lazy, depressing, and a giant step backward for diversity. Years of progress — erased by a fake woman who doesn’t even have pores. Vogue says it wasn’t their editorial choice. Just an ad. But the AI is here, she’s wearing designer, and she’s not going away.

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AI finds killer antibiotics in snake and spider goo. Researchers just let AI dig through millions of venom compounds from snakes, spiders, and scorpions — and it spat out hundreds of possible antibiotics in hours. Apparently, the stuff that melts prey also works wonders on drug-resistant bacteria. The team at the University of Pennsylvania used an AI system called APEX to scan 40 million venom peptides. It flagged 386 of them that looked like they could take down nasty pathogens. Scientists then picked 58 to test in the lab. 53 of them destroyed superbugs like E. coli and MRSA — and didn’t even mess with red blood cells. The findings were published in Nature Communications, and the message is clear: AI is out here turning nightmare fuel into medical miracles. Your next prescription might be brought to you by a cobra.

AppleCare One: for when you want to overpay in bulk. AppleCare One is Apple’s newest plan to “simplify” device coverage. It claims to save money. It doesn’t — unless your home looks like a Genius Bar. Apple says you’ll save $11 a month by bundling coverage for your iPhone, Watch, and iPad. But if you’re using anything older than last Tuesday’s release, the numbers don’t work. In some cases, the bundle actually costs more than buying coverage separately. It’s another shiny plan with tiny fine print. The more Apple gear you own, the better it sounds. For anyone using the budget stuff, it’s just paying extra to feel like you're in the club.

Google drops free AI that can read X-rays better than your doctor. Google just released MedGemma — a 27-billion-parameter beast that reads chest X-rays like a seasoned radiologist and doesn’t even ask for a co-pay. It scored 87.7% on MedQA, one of the top medical benchmarks, and it’s free. Hospitals, clinics, and broke startups can now download it, run it locally, and skip the cloud fees. No subscription, no “contact sales,” no nonsense. Just top-tier diagnostics in a zip file. MedGemma can analyze images, patient histories, and doctor notes. Basically, it’s like having a radiologist who never sleeps and doesn’t charge $600 an hour. There's also a sidekick called MedSigLIP that’s even better at mixing visuals and text for extra accuracy. Most medical AI is locked behind paywalls. Google just kicked the door open.

Alien spy rock might be headed our way. A group of scientists just published a spicy paper claiming a mysterious space rock called 3I/ATLAS might be a hostile alien probe on a stealth mission through our solar system. The object — discovered July 1 — is flying toward the sun at 130,000 mph and could be up to 15 miles wide. Harvard’s resident alien fanboy Avi Loeb says the thing is coming in hot from a weird angle, making close flybys of Jupiter, Mars, and Venus. The theory suggests it’s planting alien spy gear and going full intergalactic James Bond. Loeb even floated the idea that 3I/ATLAS might go dark behind the sun in November to hide from Earth’s telescopes before unleashing god-knows-what. The paper hasn’t been peer-reviewed, and even the authors admit it’s probably just a comet. Still, they argued it was a “fun thought experiment.” Meanwhile, actual astronomers are grinding their teeth and calling the whole thing nonsense on stilts. So the choices are: comet... or cosmic Trojan horse. Either way, no one’s catching it — it's too fast for Earth’s rockets.

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NYC Builds a Skyscraper That Also Drops You 300 Feet for Fun

Midtown Manhattan is getting a new skyscraper called The Torch. It’s 1,067 feet tall, shaped like Lady Liberty’s torch, and comes with a 300-foot free-fall ride. Because apparently a view isn’t enough — New York wants your stomach to drop with it. The Torch will live on Eighth Avenue between 45th and 46th Streets and include an 825-room hotel, an outdoor observation deck, a VIP lounge, a pool deck, retail space, and the main attraction: a transparent glass drop ride built into the tower’s stem. You’ll rise 300 feet. Then fall. All in 90 seconds. Welcome to hell, but make it luxury. Designed by ODA and SLCE for Extell Development, the building’s top will glow like a techno torch — pleated glass, spotlights, and dramatic views of the Hudson. It’s giving theme park meets real estate fever dream. Construction’s back on track after years of delays. If things move fast, the tower might hit street level this summer and top out in 2026.

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Coldplay KissCam scandal company hires Chris Martin’s ex as damage control.
Remember that Coldplay concert where a CEO got caught cuddling someone who wasn’t his wife on the KissCam? Yeah, that tech company — Astronomer — is now trying to clean up the mess by hiring Gwyneth Paltrow (yes, the Goop queen, and yes, the ex-wife of Coldplay’s Chris Martin) as their new spokesperson. After CEO Andy Byron and HR exec Kristin Cabot were busted mid-smooch on the jumbo screen, the internet went full meme mode. Byron quit. Cabot followed. The company then pulled the most PR Hail Mary possible: throw some Goop at it. Gwyneth posted a video saying she’s a “very temporary” spokesperson and gracefully ignored the cheating circus. Instead, she plugged Astronomer’s “data workflow automation” — because nothing says tech credibility like candles that smell like your hoo-ha. Coldplay streams are up 20%. Memes are thriving.

PlayStation turns titanic into a game. Coming in 2026: Titanic Escape Simulator. Yes, it’s real. Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Players get tossed onto the doomed ship and have to figure out how to not die. Charming. No word yet on whether you play as a first-class guest with diamonds or a third-class immigrant with zero luck. Gender, class, deck — all still vague. But you better believe the iceberg is waiting either way. It’s survival meets history meets "why is this a video game." Because if there’s one thing PlayStation thinks you need, it’s the chance to relive one of history’s most tragic disasters — with better graphics and worse decisions.

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TikTok of the day: watch here

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