It’s Thursday, August 21 — the calendar says late summer, but your brain’s already whispering “pumpkin spice” while your body is still melting on the subway platform. August loves a good identity crisis.

On this day in 1920, Daphne Milne gave birth to Christopher Robin Milne — yes, that Christopher Robin, who would grow up to wander the 100-Acre Wood with a certain honey-obsessed bear. His father, A.A. Milne, had already gone from broke Cambridge grad to Punch magazine humorist to playwright, but it was his son — and that Sussex forest — that inspired Winnie-the-Pooh stories.

So sip something cold, ignore the seasonal confusion, and let today’s stories carry you away. Have a good read, and a better week.

Today’s stories:

• VW sells horsepower as subscription

• Apple revives blood oxygen tracking

• HBO Max blocks password sharers

• AirPods may translate in real time

• Tesla unveils six-seat Model YL

• TSA tests face-scan boarding

• Target sinks with insider CEO

• Intel rockets on bailout hype

• Shrek 5 delayed until 2027

  and more…

The S&P 500 and Nasdaq slipped Wednesday, weighed down by a broad tech sell-off, while mixed retail earnings and the Fed’s meeting minutes kept traders on edge. The S&P fell 0.24% for a fourth straight loss, and the Nasdaq dropped 0.67% in its second red session. The Dow was the lone bright spot, eking out a tiny gain.

Investors trimmed positions in chipmakers and mega-cap tech, worried valuations have stretched too far amid the AI frenzy. Nvidia barely moved, AMD and Broadcom slid 1%, Palantir dipped, and Intel tumbled 7%. Even the heavyweights—Apple, Amazon, Alphabet, and Meta—lost steam.

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Intel Reaches Dot-Com Heights on Government Hype

Intel stock staged a $24 billion comeback this month, soaring 28% after rumors of a U.S. government equity stake and a $2 billion SoftBank boost. The frenzy shoved Intel’s valuation to 53 times forward earnings — a multiple last seen in the dot-com bubble days of 2002. Trump recently flipped from calling for Intel’s CEO to resign to praising his “amazing story,” while Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick floated the idea of converting federal chip grants into non-voting equity. Wall Street analysts call the stock “incredibly expensive,” which is finance-speak for “hope you like roller coasters.”

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Volkswagen now charges rent on horsepower. Volkswagen is officially paywalling your car’s engine. The company rolled out a subscription “power upgrade” for its ID.3 EVs: $22.50 a month (or $878 for life) to unlock… 20 extra horsepower. Yes, the speed is already there — VW just keeps it locked behind a digital toll booth until you cough up. So instead of bragging about buying a car, you can now brag about renting your acceleration. VW already charges subscriptions for heated seats, navigation, and voice assistants, because apparently selling you the car itself wasn’t profitable enough. Critics say this nickel-and-dime model is the future of driving. Translation: your next car may arrive fully loaded — but only if you’re ready to subscribe like it’s Netflix.

New CEO, same old problems at Target. Target picked company veteran Michael Fiddelke as its next CEO, but investors immediately slammed the “buy” button in reverse. Shares tanked 10% on the news, signaling that Wall Street isn’t impressed with promoting the same guy who helped steer the ship into the iceberg. Fiddelke, a 20-year insider who most recently served as COO, takes over in February 2026. Current CEO Brian Cornell isn’t leaving, though — he’s sliding into the cushy role of executive chairman, a move analysts called “a reward for failure.” Target’s boardroom now looks more like a retirement club than a turnaround plan. Critics warn the insider pick only deepens the groupthink that has plagued the brand through years of weak sales, crime headlines, inventory flops, and a DEI pullback that managed to alienate loyal customers. Meanwhile, Walmart and Costco have been sprinting laps around Target’s stagnant stock. Fiddelke insists his priorities are better merchandise, smoother shopping, and more tech everywhere. His mantra: move faster. Investors’ mantra: good luck.

TSA Upgrades From Pat-Downs to Face-Scans

First they let you keep your shoes on, now TSA wants you to skip the ID shuffle too. CLEAR just announced “biometric eGates” — basically, airport doors that scan your face and boarding pass at the same time, so you can glide past the podium agent like you’re boarding a spaceship. The pilot kicks off this month at Atlanta, D.C.’s Reagan, and Seattle-Tacoma. TSA agents will still lurk nearby with override buttons in case the tech freaks out — or just for fun. CLEAR says this is all about “expediting the passenger experience,” but let’s be honest: it’s mostly about normalizing facial recognition while pretending it’s for convenience. Expect to see more of these gates rolling out before the U.S. goes full party mode with the 2026 World Cup and the country’s 250th birthday bash.

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Apple brings back that thing it took away. Apple dropped iOS 26 beta 7 this week, and the headliner is a zombie feature: blood oxygen tracking on Apple Watch is back from the dead. The function was killed off in the U.S. last year after a messy patent fight with medical company Masimo. Now, thanks to some legal jiu-jitsu, Apple rerouted the data through your iPhone, so your watch can tell you how oxygenated you are again — as long as you’re rocking a Series 9, 10, or Ultra 2. Other updates: a new “Adaptive Power Notifications” toggle, which basically nags you when your iPhone quietly throttles itself to save battery. Plus, the Control Center got a moodier background, because apparently the shade of gray you swipe down to see is Very Important Design.

AirPods about to become your awkward travel buddy. Buried in iOS 26 beta files: a hint that AirPods are getting Live Translation. Yep, soon you might double-tap your earbuds and have them whisper “bonjour” in your ear like some overpriced pocket interpreter. The leaked image shows AirPods floating next to “hello” in multiple languages — subtle. Bloomberg already teased this, and now it looks real: AirPods Pro 2 and AirPods 4 will probably be the first to play UN translator. It’ll likely need Apple Intelligence, aka a newer iPhone, because Apple loves turning features into excuses for you to upgrade. Still, the days of loudly yelling in English overseas and hoping for the best might be numbered.

Tesla’s new SUV. Tesla just dropped the Model YL in China — basically a Model Y that ate its vegetables and grew six extra inches. It’s got six seats, a longer wheelbase, a little more height, and a starting price of about $47,000. That’s roughly $3,600 more than the standard Long Range AWD, but hey, you do get electric armrests. Range clocks in at a suspiciously generous 466 miles, but that’s using China’s CLTC cycle, which is about as realistic as Tesla’s delivery timelines. Still, Elon swears it’s roomy, with over 2,500 liters of storage space, making it the SUV equivalent of a college kid’s overstuffed duffel bag. Deliveries start in September, assuming Tesla doesn’t pull another classic “oops, delayed” move. 

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Shrek 5 Delayed… Again

Shrek 5 has been punted down the release calendar for the second time. Originally set for summer 2026, then December 2026, the ogre’s big return is now pushed all the way to June 2027. No official reason was given, but insiders say DreamWorks doesn’t want its swamp monster competing with Avengers: Doomsday, Dune: Part III, or the sixth Ice Age movie — because apparently 2001 nostalgia isn’t strong enough to fight Marvel.

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HBO Max cracks down on freeloaders. HBO Max is coming for your ex, your cousin, and that one friend still mooching off your login. Starting in September, Warner Bros. Discovery will ramp up its password-sharing crackdown, shifting from polite pop-ups to hard blocks. The platform says it finally has enough data to catch the freeloaders. Translation: if you’re not under the same roof, it’s pay up or log out. Netflix already proved the crackdown works, and HBO is ready to squeeze. Earlier this year, the service introduced an $8 “Extra Member Add-On” so you could officially sponsor someone else’s binge habit. The generosity era is over. Welcome to subscription feudalism.

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TikTok of the day: watch here

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